Vagina... let's talk about it.

I sat on the couch with my roommate, checking my email and reading a local blog, Life + Kids, which is where I go when I start feeling stir crazy and overwhelmed by toddler energy. Terri is a saint, working hard to post events and information for kiddos and parents alike... I wanted to find some fun spring events for the tiny bean, but I actually found something that interested me much more. Next Saturday a group of citizens will be meeting to discuss VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) particularly the local hospital's policy against it. Its an event that I'm sure will draw quite a crowd, and I'm anxious to see what comes of it. I said "wow, this is interesting" and when she asked what I immediately responded "I assure you it will not interest you a bit" ...somehow a vagina's rights become so much more interesting to those who have pushed children out of them.

I have no experience with cesarean. I'm speaking for my vagina, not for my belly. My daughter came wailing into this world directly from said vagina, which I might say was pretty much exactly how I intended it. With the rising trend of elective cesarean also rises a new level of birth awareness, moms hoping to do things the natural way, the water way, the orgasmic way, hell... just their way. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not knocking anyone for having a baby however they see fit. I can see great benefits to an elective cesarean, it just wasn't for me. I can't be on time for a coffee date, I'd assuredly be late for the birth of my own child.

I went into labor the way that I think many young mothers do, a belly full of baby and a head full of big ideas... my doctor was very patient and put up with lots of talk about natural birth, questions about various methods and cesarean rates, endless talk about Pitocin and painkillers, and in the end he said what I wanted to hear... "its up to you how you want to do this" ...perfect. Sortof.

You see, my pregnancy was basically perfect. I exercised, I slept, I ate, I didn't have even one sip of wine... I had no worries going into the big day. I had taken the classes, practiced my breathing, and things were progressing exactly as they should... My hips spread, the baby dropped, I was good and fat, hormonal, always hungry, and my vagina... oh lord, it wasn't pretty. I knew this was all going as planned. I was shocked, however, when I arrived at the hospital. I was the only pregnant woman I saw in the completely full maternity ward all day long. I walked the halls, peeked at babies, listened as other women laboring in their rooms, made small talk with the nurses... but no other patients all day, everyone was laboring privately, it was surprising to say the least. I don't think I expected to hee-hoo-hee-hee-hoo in a circle of equally swollen soon-to-be mamas, but I sure never expected to be the only pregnant belly I saw in the maternity ward.

I noticed quickly that the nurses were making more frequent stops in my room and started to worry that something was wrong... they weren't really doing anything, just chatting with me. I chatted back, curious and excited, they all asked how long I planned to go naturally and I responded to every one "as long as I can, I just want to experience every bit of this." When the nurses from my OBGYN's office from across the hospital campus came to visit me all together in a group, I knew something was up. They informed me I was the only one in the ward doing things naturally and that they were all rooting for me. The pressure was officially on.

I didn't have miss Marti Pearl naturally, that is, painkiller-less... Pitocin-riddled, stalled at 7cm for over half a day, and exhausted after 15 hours of intense contractions I asked for an epidural, which numbed exactly half of my body. On the right side I coudln't have told you if I had a foot at all, on the left... I would've gladly noticed my foot if it weren't for my darn uterus. I watched, in a giant mirror, as my daughter was born, and it was incredibly beautiful. Scarily foreign vagina and all... it was amazing. I experienced labor in the fullest sense that I possibly could, and I am thrilled with the outcome. I'm lucky.

Would I do it differently if I had it all to do over again? Probably. I'd insist on waiting on the Pitocin, I'd walk longer, relax more, laugh harder, I might even find a big tub... I wouldn't feel so rushed, I'd ask my doctor to work on my schedule instead of his, I'd eat some grapes when I wanted them... You see, there's so many things we consider in hindsight, especially when it comes to the most important event of our lives.

I have a very dear friend who had her daughter by cesarean after a particularly difficult labor, her daughter is now 5 and her voice still cracks a little when she talks about it. She regrets not being able to experience the labor she planned and hoped for. My heart broke as she admitted she felt like less of a woman for not being able to naturally birth her child... I just can't imagine it. We place so much importance on how we labor because dammit, it is important. We all want to have control, that's why we buy the books, take the classes, fret and prepare.

Prohibiting vaginal birth after cesarean is outdated and unnecessary. With 60 - 80 percent of women who attempt a VBAC delivering vaginally it astounds me that hospitals like Washington Regional still have anti-VBAC policies. I have to side with my old pal Michelle Duggar (seriously girl, you still haven't given me a ring-a-ding and I'm still up for that beauty salon visit!) on this one... "We are thankful our hospital allows trying a VBAC as long as they have an anesthesiologist on hand in case there is an emergency," Duggar has had 15? 16? VBACs at this point, and is a big supporter of women giving it a shot. She's VERY lucky to have a fantastic doctor that will allow it, and I hope her story will help bring awareness to this issue.

Its about time we got with the times here in Arkansas. According to the Birth Network of Northwest Arkansas:

One in three women in America give birth by undergoing major abdominal surgery.

In Northwest Arkansas, vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) is banned in most hospitals.

In our area, few women have access to professional nurse-midwifery care in a hospital and there are no freestanding birth centers.

Events like this give me hope that we'll be able to start having babies however we see fit. Check out all of the cesarean awareness events here, and here's another that I'm thrilled about: "The Vagina Monologues" comes to Fayetteville! not much labor involved, but vagina is vagina, right?

I love Kelly Clarkson.

Call it a guilty pleasure if you want, but that girl can sing.

I've never watched an episode of American Idol (yes, I know, there's got to be something simply un-American about that) but I've listened to her over the years and I've liked her more every time I've heard her.

Tonight I was sitting on the couch watching some SNL when I was surprised by how beautiful Kelly looked! She's a total frigging fox! Her hips look downright powerful, curvy and sensual in that form-fitting dress.

Shortly after pregnancy rumors started to fly, she shows up looking sassy and sexy... and sings her freaking heart out! There's most definitely something to be said for a girl who carries herself with such determination and beauty in today's weight obsessed society.








Keep on keepin on, Kelly, you're hot stuff.

This morning while sitting in my favorite coffee shop working I recognized a familiar smell. There are so many times this happens, though not often that I immediately realize exactly what it is that I'm smelling, or remembering...



This morning it was diaper cream. Burt's Bees makes some pretty delicious smelling tushy-balm and I've used it from day one on Bean girl's bottom. Two years of product loyalty is really saying something, especially for a super fickle consumer such as myself. The smell brings me back to days that seem so far away, learning how to function on even less sleep than I got in college, mastering one-handed typing with a tiny person attached to my breast, wishing for a Wal-Mart trip just to interact with people who could actually speak... two years seems so long ago.



These days its all Yo Gabba Gabba and potty training, kitty cat chasing, iy-wuv-yoooouuu's and PB&J sandwiches. Don't get me wrong, I love the stage we're in! She's energetic and full of life, discovering her sense of humor and exploring her world... its beautiful. There are days that I miss that tiny life, though, when things were so new and fragile... I think all moms do. I realized the smell of diaper cream I picked up actually came from me, as my baby's not entirely grown yet. A tiny smear on my pants and I'm immediately thinking about those days...



Looking at pictures of Gwen Stefani with little Zuma reminds me of days I remember fondly, past the point of Swaddlers and nonstop boob nomz but not quite to crawling through the house to terrorize the puppies... a beautiful window of baby-scented everything and chubby little smiles. Ahh... Love it.



Tell me... what's your favorite smell? What memory does it invoke for you?

Kittens Inspired by Kittens


I'm on A Boat - The Lonely Island (feat. T-Pain) - NSFW! (Potty language)


I love Jesus but I drink a little...

On Friday I drove down to Little Rock for a weekend full of friends & work


One of those being my dear friend Jessica, who I love so very much... she offered me lots of laughs and a place to stay.


I got to spend time with Jamey, who is one of my very favorite people ever.


I got to sleep in for the first time in recent memory on Saturday morning. It was beautiful.


Then I met up with my good friend Cale for some (ah-mazing) Chinese food @ New Fun Ree


I got all fancied up and put on a full-length formal dress I haven't worn since I was 19 years old


Cale took me to one of the most amazing events I've ever witnessed, an Indian engagement party. It was quite an experience, one I'll never forget.


We all went dancing following the party


Lauren had a blast! It was a total surprise- no one had any idea that she liked to dance!


We totally ate Jamaican jerk pork nachos at 4am from a bodega outside of the dance club, and it was delicious.
In my entire life I've really eaten pork maybe 4 times... one of them being Saturday night. It was beautiful.


Proof's in the pu...nachos, my friends.


When I got home with Marti Pearl's big bag of stuff from Aunt Jessica she was THRILLED. We spent the evening playing with sidewalk chalk and reading about kittens.


The trip was so much fun, but I couldn't stand to stay away from this face for long.



The best part is, I'm doing it all again tomorrow! My best friend and I will be heading down for a day/night of fun and most likely some more of those amazing pulled pork nachos. YUM. I'm looking forward to it, its been a heckuva week. <3

I'm not big on Valentines Day, in fact I used to protest it in a serious manner... but this year has been amazing.

Surprise Valentines, a happy toddler, potential new clients, and unexpected V-day plans... this has been my very favorite Valentines Day to date. I hope its the same for you all.






Y'all, is that not just downright beautiful?

This is my friend Kristin and her husband John. This is their third Valentines Day apart, and next year he'll be gone as well, which leaves Kristin at home with their 3 small children. This family is strong. Their tremendous love an adoration for each other is inspiring to say the very least.

Happy Valentines Day, thank you for the sacrifices you and your family make. <3

2008 was a year of change, growth, and learning. I wanted to thank my closest friends properly...



Abby - I'll always remember holding your hand on the most important day of your life. Helping you during your labor was a life changing experience for me, and I can't express how thankful I am that you felt comfortable with me being there. You've come so far from where you were, and I'm so proud of the person you are now. I always knew you'd be a good mother, but you've far exceeded every expectation. Ruthie is a beauty and you're doing such a good job. Thank you for being such a strong, amazing lady.



Alex - I've learned from you more about personal growth than anyone else. You're ever changing and learning, and your quest for love, knowledge, and understanding makes me want to follow in your footsteps in so many ways. I'm learning to love myself as much as you love me, and that's important. Thank you.



Bailey - You came back into my life and turned everything upside down in an unexpected and wonderful way this spring. Thank you for being an incredible friend who never ceases to push me out of my comfort zone just a little in order to bring the fun. Thank you for helping to expand my horizons and for always keeping me laughing.



Ben - Never in my life has someone shown so much trust, generosity, and faith without even meeting me in person. To help me in the way you have, you've made it possible for me to do what I do and grow my business to support my family. Thank you for trusting me. I wouldn't be doing all of this without you.



Chelsea - Thank you for allowing me to watch you grow and mature into a beautiful young woman. I'm thrilled to see where you'll go in this big world, and I promise I'll be watching all the way. Love you little sister.



Chris - Its strange to me that our lives have paralleled in the ways they have. We're certainly two people who should always be close, and I can't thank you enough for all of the love and kindness you've shown me. Thank you for being such a good friend and so accommodating this fall. I miss you every day.



Cyndi - You say you're a bitch but I still just don't believe it. You're such an honest friend that I couldn't possibly imagine being without you. We've never even met in person, yet you're one of the first people I talk to when something big is going on in my life. You're one of my closest friends and I love your advice, support, kindness, and stories. You are amazing.



Danelle - Thank you for teaching me to love my weaknesses and embrace my faults by showing me yours and loving so freely. Thank you for listening to me cry and always making me laugh, I miss you so very much.



Emily - Thank you for showing me sides of yourself I never expected to see. You're a true friend, an open book, and probably one of the most confident women I know. I still catch myself being shocked by some of the things you say and do because you absolutely own every situation you're in. Thank you for being an inspiration.



Evan - Thank you for being a constant beacon of love and kindness and for following your dreams. You are truly an inspiration to me.



Jamey - We lost out on a lot of years, but hanging out with you just once made up for it. Its amazing to me when you can pick up where you left off and feel so completely connected to someone. I love you to pieces and I hope to always have you in my life.



Jen - Your generosity and kindness will never cease to amaze me. Thank you for going so far above and beyond anything I could've ever expected of you and your family. Living on your farm this spring was a truly wonderful experience and I am so thankful that I was able to do so. Eating Thai food one Friday night at the cottage with the kiddos playing will always be one of my fondest memories. You are an incredible friend and I love you three so much.



Jessica - You might possibly be the craziest person I know, but its such a good crazy. Your innocence and love is what draws people to you, and the hilarious things that fall out of your mouth are what keep us coming back for more. You're a loyal and wonderful friend. Thank you for always bringing the laughs and love.



Katie - Thank you for sticking to your guns when it comes to raising your child in the way that works for you. Your knack for listening and understanding Olive's needs and wants, and finding a balance between mom and friend is inspirational to say the very least. You don't give a damn about the status quo, instead you've carved out a way of parenting that's exactly perfect for you and Olive. I'm amazed by you and your incredible little girl. Keep on rockin, mama.



Keith - When we speak about connections, we know what we're talking about. Thank you for chemistry and inspiration, thank you for intelligent conversation and laughs. Most of all, thank you for being someone I know I can always go to for any and everything. Hearts.



Liz - You are definitely a different breed of cat. You're independent, strong, opinionated, and you are always doing your own thing. I'm amazed by your friendship and support, and inspired by your love with Drew. I am so proud to call you a friend.



Maegan - You are a loving, genuine friend and I couldn't ask for anything more rewarding than knowing that you're thinking of me, wishing I was there with you. I wish I was too, and I hope that sometime in the near future we'll be close enough to run around together like we used to. Your love, creativity, and light shine out of you in a way that I crave constantly. I miss you so incredibly much. Thank you for being my muse.



Marshall - Transitioning from husband and wife to best friends has been hard, but I feel like we're doing it quite well. Thank you for offering your support and having faith in what I do. Thank you for loving our daughter in the way she deserves to be loved. Most of all, thank you for loving me, even if its in a very different capacity than we're used to.



Mom - Your endless support is always appreciated more than I can show. Thank you for being there for me when I need to cry, yell, vent or laugh. I love you so much.



Meredith - From the moment I saw you I knew I'd love you forever. I became absolutely addicted to you, from your smile to your kindness... you have an innocence and light about you that I found myself wanting to constantly bask in. I have no idea where you're going to go in your life, and I absolutely cannot wait to see. Thank you for being a wonderful friend, a beautiful person, and a tremendous inspiration.



Rachael - I feel like I've known you forever, and in so many ways wish I had... We're so very similar, and I feel like the advice and support you offer me comes completely from the heart. Your kindness is paired with a level of sassy that makes it totally impossible not to love you to pieces. You are adorable, and so is that beautiful baby girl of yours.



Sam - Thank you for teaching me how to build functional friendships with men. Through trial and (obviously quite a bit of) error I've grown and learned how to keep close male friends in a way I never had figured out on my own, and I owe it to maturity, being more confident and sure of myself, but mostly to the loss of our friendship. Thank you.



Wes - Thank you for being such a catalyst for positive change in my life. You shook me awake in a way no one else has, and continue to do so from time to time, just when I need it. Thank you.



Zaynab - We've been best friends since we were 12 years old, and we know each other better than anyone else in the world does. I've learned so many lessons from you over the years that its hard to pinpoint just one or two to thank you for, therefore thank you for being an amazing friend. Thank you for your overwhelming generosity, your constant love, and your support no matter what. Thank you for being my best friend.