I'm a single mom of 1 dating a single dad of 3. This is my first relationship with a man who has children... Initially, I was hesitant but excited. I'll be honest... I'm not nuts about other people's kids. Awful, I know... but I'm just not. I think its basically because my kid is so far beyond awesome that when I'm around kids that aren't, I feel bad for everyone involved. I mean, except for my kid... because she's obviously superior. Really though, um... I like awesome kids. The rest I'm kindof "meh" about.

In dating post-separation, I found myself stuck, facing the same issues over and over again. I'm an amazing woman and my daughter is (see above) really awesome. We're both entertaining, beautiful, and good for laughs. We're adventurous & spontaneous, open and loving... we've really got a lot to offer. I was dating single guys with no kids over and over again. All different ages with different careers and lives, it always came down to the same issue... I'm a really big package. Talk about a whole lot of responsibility from the get-go.


None of those guys were interested in dating a mom... and I couldn't blame them. I wasn't seeking out a dad either. I had plenty on my plate without any of that business and I was dating guys who were in the same exact position. Career-driven, preoccupied, understandably self-centered... they just weren't on the same page as I was. Frustrating as that was sometimes, I understood it.

I never really considered dating a single father, but when I became interested in the boy, it was because he was a dad. Over a series of messages one night, he told me about his kids, and I found myself in crush city with this amazing father.


But don't think I really understood what that meant for me, for us. In fact, I'm still learning everyday. The boy and I have been together for over 6 months now, and we're past "dating" and more in "serious relationship" territory, full of big talk and commitments. We find comfort, understanding, and mutual support in each other. I kiss his forehead after a long day and he takes my trash out. We're both looking forward to many more years of finding toys in our tennis shoes and quiet time after the kids go to bed...


There's a lot of miles between 2 people dating who both happen to have kids and a "blended family". Right now, we're right in the middle of it. Our kids love each other, his family has welcomed us with open arms, hell, I'm even good friends with his ex wife... My daughter is nuts about him, his boys love me, and I'm finally getting to know his youngest, which out of respect for her mother, I've not been able to develop a relationship with yet. We are doing the very best we can, and for the first time since we've been together, it finally feels like everything is simply falling into place.

For the record, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the term "blended family" ...I mean, its appropriate enough for the situation but at this point in my own relationship it'd be better described as a big ol' mess of kids who aren't quite sure what their relationship is, and 2 parents who are trying hard to figure that out themselves.


I got snowed in with his family for Christmas. His whole family with my small family of 2, spending the holiday together. We were simply not ready for that. Its not that we're not madly in love, or that we're not completely committed to this relationship, its just that we haven't figured out what all of this commitment means yet. I worried that it would really put a strain on us, but we're closer than ever.

I realized never stopped to consider how I felt about becoming a "stepmom" or starting a "blended family" - I just fell in love.

I never expected to gain a family from a relationship, especially so soon after the family I'd planned on and worked so hard for dissolved.

Really, what it comes down to for me is that I never expected to fall in love with 4 people instead of 1.

But I couldn't be happier.


This week I'll be exploring a lot of things that have been on my heart all year. 2009 has been a year of self-discovery and improvement and I have no doubt that 2010 will be even better. I am one hell of an uncommon mama, but you guys don't even know the half of it. I'm overflowing with stories that I'm finally ready to share.

This blog will be changing quite a bit. For now, just get the wine ready, mama's got a hell of a lot to talk about. <3

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha

Oh kids, let me tell you about a woman I love so dearly.

My friend Danelle makes my heart swell in a way I can't even begin to explain! She has such a bright, honest soul and I can't thank God enough for her presence in my life. I got to see her today for the first time in a while... she moved to California over a year ago, and though we keep in touch online and I promise often to go visit her, I haven't seen her since.

Seeing her today was so fulfilling because of her boundless love and affection. This girl hugs with her whole soul, something I can say of very few people I've ever met.

She stood today hugging me, caressing my hair and telling me how amazing and beautiful and talented I am, and it was all I could do to blink the tears away, knowing that in all of my self-doubt, all of my worry and stress... someone so real, so full of passion and reason, thinks so highly of me.

Self-esteem has never been my strong suit. In Jr High I saw myself as incredibly fat. I had been warned starting at a young age about eating disorders, but I was intrigued... later realizing that the control aspect was the most attractive, I struggled with bulimia for years... yo-yo-ing between slightly overweight and completely normal, always wanting to be thinner. By the time I was in college it was a full-blown problem. I'd eat very little throughout the day but polish off more Taco Bell than they should even be allowed to sell to one damn person... spending the rest of my evening attacking my esophagus and ego, feeling no better about myself when I went to bed... and seeing very little results on the scale.


Senior Year of High School. What a fatdumbass, right?


I used to joke that I wasn't committed enough to be anorexic. I really loved food, hell- I still do! I couldn't fathom skipping meals and obsessively counting calories. Bulimia was the ultimate control for me: I ate exactly what I damn well pleased, and I didn't gain any weight from it. Take that, Slim Fast!


Senior Year of High School again

What took me years to realize is that I was deeply depressed and so very uncertain of myself. I had no idea who I was, or who I wanted to be... just that I wanted to be thin, pretty, and different than I was. I wanted to win my ex-boyfriend's affection, my friend's approval, respect and admiration. My mom's self-esteem pep-talks did me no good, and I did a good job of hiding my problem (outside of a few friends who were keeping some pretty hefty secrets of their own). The depression took an enormous toll, and when I quit school I had to come to terms with it. I spent a summer living with my mom, not working, and painting. It was the most important thing I could've done for myself, and even though I wanted so much to be out on my own as an adult, I knew it was good for me to take time to just figure out how to be OK first.

I stopped throwing up, first off... and it was a good thing, too. Later that fall, I had severe issues with esophageal erosions, due to years of mistreating the poor thing. I didn't eat for days and boy was I pissed- all of those years of hurting myself in order to eat how I wanted and here I was "better" and couldn't eat!? It was torture. That's when I gained all the weight, but in doing so I didn't struggle more with my self-esteem issues, I found pride and joy in my body regardless... much more than I'd found when I was thinner. I started seeing myself as beautiful, my curves as sexy, and all of that together made me one hell of a force to be reckoned with.

Upon losing the weight, I'd like to just say... watch out. Sitting on the couch talking with the boyfriend the other night, I found myself amazed at the changes I'd made, not just since my days of daily cookie tossing... but even from a few months ago. I went into this relationship self-assured, certain that regardless of what happened I was worthy of love and admiration. For once I wasn't concerned with the ex-boyfriend, or that cute guy at the bar... I was focused on me in all of my frickin' glory. Its been fun, and its been genuine, and I honestly believe its why I'm so darn happy with this silly boy.


That being said, silly boy and I took our kids to the park today to visit with Danelle before she went back to California. He asked me last night who she was, and I told him very honestly...

She's the first mom who I ever trusted completely the first time I met her... she was so frazzled, and exhausted, and radiantly beautiful. Not because her hair was perfect, or her makeup took an hour, but because dammit, she was mama! she had smiles and belly-laughs as readily available as her furrowed brow and heartfelt 'i'm sorrys' and she threw those stern mama-eyes like i'd never seen! I knew that deep down, that's what every mom aspired to be... absolutely comfortable in every aspect of her (very difficult) job, even though she could've really used a nap... and a cocktail. Her shiny dark hair and beautiful body were secondary to the amazing kindness and honesty radiating from her at all times.

Sitting at her kitchen table drinking wine and sharing stories as our kids played around us is something I'll always remember. She taught me so much by just being... and I definitely needed a reminder today. I spend so much of my life so caught up in the daily stresses... worrying about money constantly, working too much, playing too little... letting other people control my happiness, my perception of myself... its all so ridiculous. Negative thoughts and actions breed negativity, and I can't let any of that be a priority in my life for even a moment. Don't be angry over things you can't change, don't look in the mirror with sadness, just live and love and cut out all the rest of that noise. Thank you, Danelle, for reminding me to enjoy life in its entirety... to love myself as much as you do. I'm going to work hard to keep this love and light flowing.

Love yourself, love your life, and dammit... do it now.


"Walk In Love" - A photo of my new friend Jen, who will be introducing me into the world of "polistic" living- which is described on her Facebook as "Holistic Health with a Spin" She is a "Holistic Health Coach with An Emphasis on Pole Fitness & Juicing" I'm so thrilled to have an opportunity to try out something fun and new in a time when I'm really completely focused on me, my life, and what's really important... I'm excited to see what all this is about!!

Here's to being happy, healthy, and loving life... <3

Everyone should watch this. <3