This morning while sitting in my favorite coffee shop working I recognized a familiar smell. There are so many times this happens, though not often that I immediately realize exactly what it is that I'm smelling, or remembering...



This morning it was diaper cream. Burt's Bees makes some pretty delicious smelling tushy-balm and I've used it from day one on Bean girl's bottom. Two years of product loyalty is really saying something, especially for a super fickle consumer such as myself. The smell brings me back to days that seem so far away, learning how to function on even less sleep than I got in college, mastering one-handed typing with a tiny person attached to my breast, wishing for a Wal-Mart trip just to interact with people who could actually speak... two years seems so long ago.



These days its all Yo Gabba Gabba and potty training, kitty cat chasing, iy-wuv-yoooouuu's and PB&J sandwiches. Don't get me wrong, I love the stage we're in! She's energetic and full of life, discovering her sense of humor and exploring her world... its beautiful. There are days that I miss that tiny life, though, when things were so new and fragile... I think all moms do. I realized the smell of diaper cream I picked up actually came from me, as my baby's not entirely grown yet. A tiny smear on my pants and I'm immediately thinking about those days...



Looking at pictures of Gwen Stefani with little Zuma reminds me of days I remember fondly, past the point of Swaddlers and nonstop boob nomz but not quite to crawling through the house to terrorize the puppies... a beautiful window of baby-scented everything and chubby little smiles. Ahh... Love it.



Tell me... what's your favorite smell? What memory does it invoke for you?

This year bean girl is getting the present every kid wants...


Her two front teeth!!




She's thrilled. Really. She's got a whole 3 teeth as of today with the 4th breaking the surface as I type... my poor nipples aren't very happy.


Disclaimer: I promise I didn't make my baby cry so I could take a picture of her, I was clicking away as she was very pleasantly playing with her new bowl and plate when bam! tears and screams! Such is the way of teeth, I suppose...

Yep, I'm one of those moms. My baby cries, in her own crib, in her very own bedroom, just about every night now... even some days. No, that doesn't make me a terrible parent, and I promise she's still a cool kid full of happiness and rainbows. So much so, we've decided, she's just not interested in sleep. You see, when you're so absolutely fascinated with everything around you, sleep just doesn't sound like much fun.

There have been a few sleepless nights where in sore-boobed desperation I've asked her why she won't just go to sleep. That's when she looks at me with those big baby eyes saying "I can crawl, eat big people food, and I have teeth! Would you want to sleep through any of that?" and I understand it, I really do... I remember college... well, some of it. So I had to make a choice.... do I let her decide when she goes to bed, even if that means we're all up until 3 a.m. or do I start getting her used to going to bed on her own... putting herself to sleep...

It seemed so wrong- I work all day to try to keep her happy, why would I want to put her in bed with the purpose of letting her cry? She's always been one of those happy breastfed babies that has always gone straight to sleep as soon as you stick a boob in her mouth. When her pediatrician (baby-god) mentioned that she needed to start "soothing herself to sleep" even if it meant she cried for a while, our only question was "but how do we keep her awake long enough!?"
Now we know.
Lately she's either resisted the whole time by kicking or flailing, or she'll wake herself up the second her little tushy hits the crib mattress. I'm sure there's got to be something in the world that's more frustrating than that, but I sure can't think of anything.

So we started putting her down, letting her cry, and eventually she goes to sleep. I go in, make sure she's comfy and dry, cover her up, and she eventually falls asleep and sleeps all night. In the morning, she's my happy little bean again. Last night brought back memories of the Mad About You episode where Paul and Jamie sat outside the baby's room for hours listening to her cry... and by the end, the baby's asleep and they decide they've broken her heart. I watched that episode the weekend before I went into labor and swore up and down I'd never let my child cry herself to sleep... but I do, and I don't feel like her little heart is breaking... mine does, but hers seems just fine.

As husband-pants and I were sitting in the bathtub (our big people retreat, after baby goes to bed) talking about matters unrelated to bean, I started thinking about how badly I've neglected my good friends... two, in particular, and how much I needed some time to myself. I've been justifying not taking a break for months now by saying that since I breastfeed bean and she refuses to take a bottle that it'd be hard for me to leave her with husband-pants at night. Now, though, I'm not solely responsible for getting her to sleep. I make sure she's fed, but the rest can be easily done by anyone else... that is awesome.

I never thought that I'd be able to share the responsibility of bedtime with anyone else in the way that I'm able to now, at least until after bean was weaned... I'm thrilled with it, really. Bedtime used to be my time... After I fed her I'd watch her sleep for a while before I laid her down. I had a certain way I covered her up every night, a routine... and that's different now, but I'm ok with it. Husband-pants feels more involved, bean gets better sleep, and I get a little time to myself. This weekend I plan to go out with my friends and recharge... every mom needs a break, and I'm well overdue. I'm excited about getting out and having no worries about bean girl for a little while, because I know she's fed, and husband-pants can handle the rest, and there's something so absolutely liberating about that.

In my other blog I asked my readers to give me their opinions on important parenting matters. It started as curiosity on my part and ended up with an overwhelming response from some very opinionated women, all sharing their parenting philosophies. This sounds like quite a recipe for disaster, I know, but really, everyone played nicely despite differing opinions.

Here are some excerpts...

Breastfeeding
Free baby nutrition? I'm all for it. At the mall, at church, at the Wal-Mart... when ever baby is hungry. Whip it out.
K, no kids yet (hopefully soon!) - Poway, CA

i really think that all mom's should give their best, most honest effort to nurse their babies. i don't think a mom should ever have to cover up and i think they should be allowed to nurse anywhere, anytime without being hassled. i honestly don't care if someone is uncomfortable with it in public. if you are out in public, you get to deal with the public. i'm uncomfortable with people cursing loudly around my kids, but sometimes you just have to deal with it.
K, mom of 2, with another on the way - Fort Bragg, NC

i had one child that did it for over a year, one that wouldnt have anything to do with it after 6 months, and another who was way too tiny, that i had to pump and give it to him that way. all babies are different, but i truly believe that all mothers should atleast attempt to breastfeed...and if the baby won't, then pumping is the next best thing. breast is best...so why wouldn't a mom give her baby the absolute best?
A, mom of 3, Louisville, KY

Great for those who can do it. I wish everyone could. I think the goal should be to make sure that women who choose to do it get all the support they need learning, and that women who choose not to are not made to feel guilty. I started out breastfeeding, but because of a condition my child had, it turned out anything with lactose was basically poison. Not just lactose intolerance, but very very bad. But you can't walk around wearing a t shirt that says "My child has galactosemia." I didn't get any crap from anyone for not breastfeeding, but I know a lot of people do. At least she got the first two weeks, and got all those lovely antibodies.
A, mom of 1 - Lanesboro, MN

I didn't do it because I had infected milk ducts and couldn't, but if you can and you want to then go ahead with your bad self. I do hate all the breastfeeding nazis out there who try to shame women who choose not to or just plain can't. Sometimes you just can't, and I don't think giving people shit about it or saying "oh you didn't try hard enough" ultimately helps anyone.
E, mom of 1 - Fort Smith, AR

Co-Sleeping
This just sounds like a bad idea to me. I can't stand that our pets sleep with us, so I can't imagine I'd feel good about my baby sleeping with us. I don't mind having a bassinet in the room up to 4 or 5 months old, but not in a bed with me. No thanks.
R, no kids (yet!) - South Carolina

co-sleeping meaning sleeping within close proximity but may or may not be on the same surface- not a problem with that. it's great for when they are really little and still waking up at night. if you mean bed-sharing, then i think where ever EVERYONE in the family gets the best rest then that's where they should sleep. if having a family bed works for a family, that's great, but if it doesn't work for everyone then i don't think it should be pursued. i will never be one of those moms who kicks my husband out of our bed cause he isn't on-board with having a family bed. i'd just move the baby to a bassinet or crib next to our bed (which is what we did with the boys.)
K, mom of 2, with another on the way - Fort Bragg, NC

I FULLY support co sleeping. I mean, think about it......you and your baby are LITERALLY attached for 9 months and all of the sudden, one day, you rip her from the only world she's known and force her to be isolated and feel alone in a world where she can't communicate? No no no. If people don't want to do it, that's ok, I think it's kind of wrong though. If you don't want your baby in your bed, I think a co-sleeper is a good alternative. I am TOTALLY against putting newborns in their own rooms.
C, mom of 2 with another on the way - California

Spanking/Discipline
As with all other areas of parenting, pragmatism is king in this issue. I think it's a bit foolhardy to say that spanking is never OK, because you may encounter a situation where spanking is appropriate. My general notion is that spanking is best as a last resort, and only a swat or two to get the point across, not to cause anything beyond momentary physical discomfort. I've met some lame people who were never spanked as children and I've met some excellent people who got the tar beat out of them on a regular basis. This just means that every child is different, every possible disciplinary situation is different, and the thing to do is use your best judgment and aim for keeping your temper in check.
A, mom of 1 - Arizona (I don't know your real name either! ugh! Sorry!)

I've read various schools of thought on this. The one that sticks with me and makes the most sense (to me as a hoping-to-be-a-mom-someday) is: Only use spanking/corporal punishment when the child has done something to endanger themselves or others rather than for just disobeying.
K, no kids yet (hopefully soon!) - Poway, CA

spanking is a no no in our house, as it was in my house growing up. we dicipline with time outs and we have grounded our older ones before (it takes ALOT for us to do that). we can usually talk out our problems.
A, mom of 3 - Louisville, KY

...hasn't really been an issue yet; S is pretty good. I think it will be soon as she is getting more defiant every day. My parents spanked us if we really deserved it for doing something dangerous, ferinstance, if we ran out into traffic without waiting for them. If you don't spank often, when you HAVE to it makes more of an impression.
R, mom of 1 - Faulkner County, AR

I do not believe spanking is an effective method of dicipline. I was hit as a child and it did nothing but frighten me and I don't think a child benefits from being frightened. I give my son a warning and explain to him why he cannot do whatever he may be doing wrong and tell him if he does it again he will get a time out. This usually works but sometimes he needs the time out. He goes right to time out without fussing everytime and when he has sat for 2 mins I come and explain what he has done wrong and why he can't do that and he will repeat me, apologise, give me a hug and kiss and it's done. I believe it's more beneficial for him to understand why not to do something then just be too afraid to do it so he won't be hit.
F, mom of 2 - Peterborough, Canada

I am on the fence about this one. I think that the bottom line is that we shouldn't discipline our children out of anger. And I think the punishment should fit the crime, so to speak.
C, mom of 2 with another on the way - California

To read the full discussion, click here.

What do you think?

Man, I know a kid's gotta chew but good lord!? Why is it that she's never been interested in gnawing on my nipple until she's got 2 sharp pointy little teeth!?!?!?!

Sweet Jesus I'm dying over here!


Oh, and she's just too cute when she does it too. She's like "nom nom nom" and I'm screaming and jumping off the couch and she just looks at me and laughs.

HA HA real funny, diaper monster. reeeeaaaaal funny.

That is the question.

Husband-pants and I are trying to decide if we want to have another bean. If you'll recall, when I was pregnant, I wanted a whole herd of them- lots of little Gerlaughs running about! The more the merrier! Birth control is for suckas! Women were born to have babies! This gives my life purpose and meaning and that's all I could ever ask for!

That was then.

Now don't get me wrong, I had a WONDERFUL pregnancy, and was terribly thrilled about all of it, down to the peeing on myself with every step I took days. My 18 hours of labor even weren't all that terrible... in fact, dare I say I actually enjoyed labor, and were it not for the mountains of medical bills that rolled in afterwards, I'd do it any day. It was empowering, rewarding... and magical, all at once. I am also blessed with a well-behaved, wonderfully bright, responsive, fun kid... who I enjoy spending all of my time with. Really, it would make sense that I'd want to do it all over again, but I'm just not so sure.

First off, I would love for Bean to be an only child, to grow up with all of our time, attention, and focus. I can see so many benefits to it... and I've heard so many times that when you have another, you just develop more attention, more focus, more love, than you ever expected to have, and that neither kid feels left out, but I'm just not so sure. Maybe it was because my sister was so much younger than me, or maybe its because my parents divorced the year she was born, leaving my mom to raise us both and single-handedly support our family, but that kid took up a lot of everyone's focus, and there were times I felt mighty left out. I'm sure that during my rebellious teenage years when I was working every nerve my mother had, that she felt the same way. I wonder at times if that lack of attention caused my "look at me, i'm doing something i'm not supposed to!" attitude in my late teen years, and my sister's "i refuse to do anything to fit in with anyone because i need attention! gimme gimme gimme!" attitude right now. I don't want to deal with all of that, for Bean's sake or mine!

Plus, I'm just now getting the hang of this small business thing. I'm finally getting to the point where I can make a decent living by working at home, which is so wonderful! It was so hard when Bean was little because I didn't have the time, and even now my design time is precious, I have to do as much as I can between breastfeeding, diaper changes, picking her up so she doesn't roll under the TV cabinet, walking about, playing, and learning with her... Why would I want to add another baby to the mix!? This one's just getting the hang of being a real person!

Why, indeed... all of my reasoning so far has gone into why I don't want another one, why I think it'd be better to stop right here... but there's still another side to all of this. Husband-pants wants another one... right now. He wants a little boy, which I completely understand is every father's dream, he wants football practice and someone to watch wrestling with, blue baby booties and pee pee tee pees... but what if we do get pregnant again and its another little girl? Does that mean we're trying for a third? Maybe it makes me an awful wife and abnormal woman but that just makes me cringe! Kids are so much work! I'm way happy with just one, thanks! Now that's definitely not to say that I wouldn't be thrilled if we got pregnant again... I'm a firm believer that if its supposed to happen it will... but planning for another? I just don't think its for me.

That's why this week I'm determined to figure out what to do about birth control... "Oops" just isn't an option until we're totally sure what we want to do. It is, in fact, how we got to this point in the first place, remember? Now that's not to say "Oops" can't be a happy word, its just a much better idea, in my opinion, to have a plan for such things. Its what responsible adults do, right?

My mom tells me I'll get the urge to do it all over again... that it took her 7 years but she finally did. That at some point I'll see someone's adorable little baby and my uterus will scream and bam! its procreation time!! And I don't disagree! Part of me would love to be pregnant again... to labor for hours upon hours and have another warm little baby-scented ball of love... it would be amazing... all of it... but after that part is over, there's another little person who'll be demanding my time and attention all over again. While I'd be just as glad to give it as freely as I have for Bean, I'd much rather give it all to Bean, and to my marriage, and to our family... because really, its pretty fantastic just the three of us.


Now that's not to say I'm not a little bummed about never having a real occasion to use a pee pee tee pee, but for now I'll settle for giving them away to all of my friends who are currently fulfilling their destinies by bringing beautiful children into the world, hopefully some of which are boys that actually have a need for such contraptions.