The first time I met my friend Greg Leding we got our asses handed to us at Taboo. We weren't aware that we were playing against 2 English professors, but they absolutely beat the pants off of us at a game we were pretty confident we'd win. You see, we're pretty smart cookies... we met last year when he showed some very nice Twitter-sympathy when I backed over the gas meter with my car and nearly blew up the entire neighborhood at 6am. After that, we played some Taboo, spent a lot of time laughing, and hung out pretty regularly until last spring.

That's when Greg decided to run for State Representative. I remember the morning he told me, I didn't have a clue what to say. I mean, I was impressed... it seemed like such a natural move for him. Intellectual, political, driven... it was a good fit. Since then, he's been campaigning hard... stickers, yard signs, canvassing neighborhoods... doing the politician thing. Its been amazing to watch, and inspiring to say the least.


I can't tell you about Greg's platforms, I mean... I could, but I won't. What matters to me is the stuff that's not already been covered by campaign. I can tell you that Greg is an amazing person... he really is. He's been an incredibly supportive friend and a great example. He's inspired me think of things in a different way, to recognize needs in my community I'd previously not seen.

Greg was always going, even before the campaign... community events were his thing. Every night of the week he had something going on, and I am just so not that type of person. It takes quite a bit for me to want to get out after working all week, especially to sit and talk politics or environmental sustainability. I am interested, I am concerned, but I am minimally-involved. I recognized that about myself, but after meeting Greg I really started examining it. I hated that there were things that I could be doing to help my community, to improve it... hell, to improve myself... and I just... wasn't. That's when I started working on Take Your Kids to Dickson. I formed a group that focused on improving the overall perception of my community's arts & entertainment district.


Greg inspired something in me that I think was always under the surface, a desire to help the people around me and be more than just aware... to be truly involved. Greg inspired it because that's what he is, that's what he does. He is actually concerned and invested in what he commits himself to. I saw myself in a different light... I realized there were ways in which I should be dedicating my talents and efforts, and all because his influence. Just by knowing him my outlook was completely transformed. I am positive that he will always be one of my most successful and accomplished friends because of his commitment, ambition, and heart. He will always inspire those around him, he will always encourage change and growth. The boy's got soul.

The election is less than 48 hours away now. This has been a long time coming, and I know he is just down right exhausted from all of the work he's put into this campaign. Greg said earlier today "most anyone who's taken a look at the District 92 race has made up his or her mind. We just need to get the people who support us to go vote" and he's right. If you know the issues, if you've made a decision, then fantastic. If not, then stop reading right this second and go do it. Who is your voice? Go do the research and figure out who is leading your community. Go be more than an observer. If you haven't voted early, I ask that you please go vote this week. Take the time... make the effort. Don't do it because you care about voting... do it because you care about your community, your state, your influence on your world. Do it because our kids deserve to see that progress is possible.



Greg, I am truly so proud of you and I am just so thrilled to watch where you go from here. I'll be sure to wear my dancing shoes Tuesday night for your celebration party Tuesday night.

My Twitter-friend @sarahfortune posted a bunch of pictures from her weekend girl's trip and I have got the bug!!! (BTW, are these not the cutest girls you've ever seen in your whole life!? I mean really!?!?! And Eureka Springs is fantastic-such a fun and unique little town.)

I see pictures of friend's amazing girls getaways to far away places and I think "sigh... that looks so nice" but as a single mama and a freelancer (who frankly, at the moment, is pretty "buh" about all things work-related because of a severe lack of funds) I just can't dream that big!

I saw Sarah's pictures from her close-to-home weekend away and I immediately started dreaming up some time away.

My girls and I used to take trips... never all together, but once a month we made a point to get out of town for a while, even if it was only to go sleep in a different place and explore some other town for a weekend.

Usually I could even work it out to where I could meet with clients and call it a "business trip" so i didn't feel quite as guilty leaving the bean and spending money on myself.

The last trip we took was to Eureka Springs in August for Jacey & I's birthday, and it was such a good time!!


At a club in Tulsa - Winter 2008


Ashley & I - Little Rock, 2009


Downtown Little Rock - Spring 2009


Driving to Memphis - October 2008


Nachos, 3:45am - Little Rock, January 2009


Nachos, 3:45am - Little Rock, January 2009


Meeting Elvis - Little Rock, Spring 2009


Jamey and I - Little Rock, January 2009


With Chris & Zach - Little Rock, October 2008


At the Miss Gay Arkansas Pageant - Little Rock, Spring 2009


Marti Pearl and I with the 'sisters' in Eureka Springs - August 2009



So what do you say, girls? Let's skeedaddle for a couple of days!!

I've always believed in the principle of karma. Good things happen when you do good things... good actions spawning good results... yadda yadda blah blah.

I am completely blessed. I am obviously doing something very right, because I have so many good friends.

I've admitted I'm scared of tall people. I met one of my best friends because of that silly, irrational fear.


Photo by Holly Metcalf

She's tall. She's real frickin tall. And she's a dead ringer for Maggie Gyllenhall or Katie Holmes depending on which one you like best. I, of course, am a total Maggie fan.


(seriously, its uncanny- right?)

Last Wednesday I sat with Jacey at her house and thought about life without children. A single lady, Jacey's life is pretty darn uncomplicated. She has a house that just feels warm with 2 happy dogs that greet you with kisses and never leave her side. We drank champagne on her couch to celebrate my 3rd wedding anniversary, and she didn't even get upset when my potty training toddler tinkled all over her floor. She laughs, she smiles, and she absolutely means it. This girl has genuine written all over her, and she's so creative and talented on top of it all, an illustrator who works hard to make such beautiful things.

She's amazing and she owns her own home and she does art for a living, she has no kids. I texted my boyfriend and said "I of course wouldn't trade Marti Pearl for the world, but I'm jealous of this... I look at Jacey and see such happiness and simplicity and I crave that so much. Her carpet doesn't have crackers ground into it, she owns her own home and drinks wine whenever she wants! She has glass trinkets on her coffee table!!" and I meant it. Every word of it. I admire her so much, and can't help but look around at her life and say "wow... that looks so very nice."

I had a hard morning. I emailed Jacey and her response was perfect.

Can't stop thinking about that email!

A friend sent this to me as support and I think you can draw on it too.

One of the hardest things to look at in this life is the lives we didn’t lead, the path not taken, potential left unfulfilled. In stories, those who look back — Lot’s wife, Orpheus and Eurydice — are lost. Looking to the side instead, to gauge how our companions are faring, is a way of glancing at a safer reflection of what we cannot directly bear, like Perseus seeing the Gorgon safely mirrored in his shield.

She sent me this amazing article to offer support in a completely unrelated situation without even knowing how very appropriate it was for our own friendship. Her support was incredibly appropriate, and well-timed.

Jacey, you are amazing. I love you to pieces.

Also, this quote killed me!!
I have never even idly thought for a single passing second that it might make my life nicer to have a small, rude, incontinent person follow me around screaming and making me buy them stuff for the rest of my life.

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha

Oh kids, let me tell you about a woman I love so dearly.

My friend Danelle makes my heart swell in a way I can't even begin to explain! She has such a bright, honest soul and I can't thank God enough for her presence in my life. I got to see her today for the first time in a while... she moved to California over a year ago, and though we keep in touch online and I promise often to go visit her, I haven't seen her since.

Seeing her today was so fulfilling because of her boundless love and affection. This girl hugs with her whole soul, something I can say of very few people I've ever met.

She stood today hugging me, caressing my hair and telling me how amazing and beautiful and talented I am, and it was all I could do to blink the tears away, knowing that in all of my self-doubt, all of my worry and stress... someone so real, so full of passion and reason, thinks so highly of me.

Self-esteem has never been my strong suit. In Jr High I saw myself as incredibly fat. I had been warned starting at a young age about eating disorders, but I was intrigued... later realizing that the control aspect was the most attractive, I struggled with bulimia for years... yo-yo-ing between slightly overweight and completely normal, always wanting to be thinner. By the time I was in college it was a full-blown problem. I'd eat very little throughout the day but polish off more Taco Bell than they should even be allowed to sell to one damn person... spending the rest of my evening attacking my esophagus and ego, feeling no better about myself when I went to bed... and seeing very little results on the scale.


Senior Year of High School. What a fatdumbass, right?


I used to joke that I wasn't committed enough to be anorexic. I really loved food, hell- I still do! I couldn't fathom skipping meals and obsessively counting calories. Bulimia was the ultimate control for me: I ate exactly what I damn well pleased, and I didn't gain any weight from it. Take that, Slim Fast!


Senior Year of High School again

What took me years to realize is that I was deeply depressed and so very uncertain of myself. I had no idea who I was, or who I wanted to be... just that I wanted to be thin, pretty, and different than I was. I wanted to win my ex-boyfriend's affection, my friend's approval, respect and admiration. My mom's self-esteem pep-talks did me no good, and I did a good job of hiding my problem (outside of a few friends who were keeping some pretty hefty secrets of their own). The depression took an enormous toll, and when I quit school I had to come to terms with it. I spent a summer living with my mom, not working, and painting. It was the most important thing I could've done for myself, and even though I wanted so much to be out on my own as an adult, I knew it was good for me to take time to just figure out how to be OK first.

I stopped throwing up, first off... and it was a good thing, too. Later that fall, I had severe issues with esophageal erosions, due to years of mistreating the poor thing. I didn't eat for days and boy was I pissed- all of those years of hurting myself in order to eat how I wanted and here I was "better" and couldn't eat!? It was torture. That's when I gained all the weight, but in doing so I didn't struggle more with my self-esteem issues, I found pride and joy in my body regardless... much more than I'd found when I was thinner. I started seeing myself as beautiful, my curves as sexy, and all of that together made me one hell of a force to be reckoned with.

Upon losing the weight, I'd like to just say... watch out. Sitting on the couch talking with the boyfriend the other night, I found myself amazed at the changes I'd made, not just since my days of daily cookie tossing... but even from a few months ago. I went into this relationship self-assured, certain that regardless of what happened I was worthy of love and admiration. For once I wasn't concerned with the ex-boyfriend, or that cute guy at the bar... I was focused on me in all of my frickin' glory. Its been fun, and its been genuine, and I honestly believe its why I'm so darn happy with this silly boy.


That being said, silly boy and I took our kids to the park today to visit with Danelle before she went back to California. He asked me last night who she was, and I told him very honestly...

She's the first mom who I ever trusted completely the first time I met her... she was so frazzled, and exhausted, and radiantly beautiful. Not because her hair was perfect, or her makeup took an hour, but because dammit, she was mama! she had smiles and belly-laughs as readily available as her furrowed brow and heartfelt 'i'm sorrys' and she threw those stern mama-eyes like i'd never seen! I knew that deep down, that's what every mom aspired to be... absolutely comfortable in every aspect of her (very difficult) job, even though she could've really used a nap... and a cocktail. Her shiny dark hair and beautiful body were secondary to the amazing kindness and honesty radiating from her at all times.

Sitting at her kitchen table drinking wine and sharing stories as our kids played around us is something I'll always remember. She taught me so much by just being... and I definitely needed a reminder today. I spend so much of my life so caught up in the daily stresses... worrying about money constantly, working too much, playing too little... letting other people control my happiness, my perception of myself... its all so ridiculous. Negative thoughts and actions breed negativity, and I can't let any of that be a priority in my life for even a moment. Don't be angry over things you can't change, don't look in the mirror with sadness, just live and love and cut out all the rest of that noise. Thank you, Danelle, for reminding me to enjoy life in its entirety... to love myself as much as you do. I'm going to work hard to keep this love and light flowing.

Love yourself, love your life, and dammit... do it now.


"Walk In Love" - A photo of my new friend Jen, who will be introducing me into the world of "polistic" living- which is described on her Facebook as "Holistic Health with a Spin" She is a "Holistic Health Coach with An Emphasis on Pole Fitness & Juicing" I'm so thrilled to have an opportunity to try out something fun and new in a time when I'm really completely focused on me, my life, and what's really important... I'm excited to see what all this is about!!

Here's to being happy, healthy, and loving life... <3

My 24th year has come and gone.

I've somehow surrounded myself with Leos, including one of my very best friends, Jacey. When she asked if I wanted to take a day trip to Eureka Springs for our birthdays, I immediately made arrangements for a babysitter. I knew I was in for an excellent trip when all of the planning revolved around food.

Unfortunately, Marshall hurt his back the day before so I was on ex-husband-nurse-duty and unsure of whether or not I'd be able to go as planned. Luckily for everyone, my ex and I are on great terms... we spend time together often and we have a great friendship as well as a fantastic parenting relationship. With some good pain meds and a little tough love, he was up walking by bedtime, and when he woke up feeling alright the next morning I decided to go on my trip as planned, just with a toddler companion!

Marti Pearl and I took a fabulous trip to Eureka Springs with Jacey, her sisters, and her friend Ashley. Marti Pearl took quite a liking to "the sisters" as she called everyone, and had a blast exploring the cute little shops. We even got a photo made, which for MP was just an epic game of dress up. What toddler doesn't love crazy dresses, feather boas, and high heels!?


A blurry yet fabulous picture of the saloon girls

For my actual birthday I had plans to eat dinner with my whole family. The boyfriend picked me up beforehand saying he had a surprise for me, and as I was asking him where we were going he quickly turned into our friend's neighborhood... I had no idea what was going on, and was thrilled to walk in and find so many of my friends. Jessica & Anna had planned me a fantastic 25th birthday surprise party!! They invited a bunch of my friends, decorated Anna's house beautifully, got me a wonderful cake, and loads of champagne! It was hands down the best birthday surprise ever.

They'd invited my friends from Twitter! Soon my dad & sister showed up, then Marshall, his sister, and Marti Pearl... who was thrilled that mommy was having a "princess party"

From there, we had family dinner & drinks with friends... a wonderful night overall. My 25th birthday was the best yet, I've got high hopes for this year...

I sit, typing to you with barf in my hair and a very unhappy kiddo. Bean girl is sickly. Fever, puking, the whole messy awful no fun 9 yards. Her dad brought her home this morning and the first thing she did was lay down on my shoulder and say "Mama I throw up" which in sick-kid language is just a total crap sandwich. Poor little thing.


Also, kids thermometers? What a joke. I bought this Spongebob $10 jobber at Wal-Mart a while back, and short of sticking it in her tush can't get an accurate reading ever. Its unfortunate too, because there's no way I'm gonna add insult to injury- if she's sick, I'll take her to the doctor hoping she's got a fever before I pull down that diaper. For that reason, I shelled out a bit more for one of those ear-mometers, the more reliable kind.

Unfortunately, I can't find it. The last time I remembered, it lived in my closet in my room at my (now former) friend's house. We had a pretty nasty friend breakup recently and I've tried not to air too much of my dirty laundry in those regards on the interwebz, but I am hot.

Here's the dialogue:

Me (11:34 AM):
I don't want any drama, just have a question. Was there a kids ear thermometer in the closet near the sippy cup? I can't find it & thought it was there.
Me (11:35 AM):
MP is really sick, I just need to find the good thermometer

Her (11:47 AM):
No. Everything of yours that was in my house was packed and given to you. I have nothing else of yours.

Me (11:51 AM):
What I am asking is when you packed everything up did you see it? I have a very sick baby and just need to know if its in there somewhere.

Her (11:57 AM):
What I am telling you is NO! You would have it if it was anywhere in your room. Don't text me anymore! I have NOTHING of yours in my house. Take her to the DR.



There's just no sense in that. To lose our entire friendship so suddenly and dramatically came as a shock to say the very least, but this is just uncalled for. I've fought the urge to write about how I feel in regards to our breakup, to complain that I feel sad, disappointed, pissed off...

I've resisted simply out of respect for her privacy, because as Ms. Single Mama said this morning "single mom or not - I’ve never been one to censor myself for fear of judgment."

I'm still not going to go to the lengths of reporting all of the things that were said and done which were irreparably damaging to our friendship. I don't need to smear her name at all. I feel like I'm doing a good job of mourning that relationship, and come to terms with the hard fact that she won't ever be a part of our lives again.

The hardest thought is that she'll never get to see the bean as she grows and experience her love and light, but there's no way I can allow anyone to dim that light with anger & jealousy... She simply deserves more than that. Honestly, we both do.


Its so very hard, but days like today make it so much easier. I'm very blessed to have many good friends that genuinely and deeply love us. Only moments after tweeting that Bean was sick, I received a text from a new, yet very close friend offering to run to the store and get that thermometer we were missing. Having people that benefit and enrich our lives with support, love, and real compassion is so necessary for parents. It is absolutely vital for single moms & dads.

I'm still sad to have lost that friendship, and It'll take a very long time for the hurt to subside, but its truly made me realize just how lucky I am to have so many people that care about us. A huge thank you to all of my friends, and to this beautiful little girl who just keeps providing me with wonderful life lessons. The same little girl, actually, whose fever has come down (according to my trusty mama-hand-mometer) and who is officially holding down crackers & Pedialyte. Yay for well babies, good friends, and cutting out the negative.

I've been a bad friend. Really, its one of my major downfalls... I get so wrapped up in a million things- kiddo, work, family, personal life... and I forget to concern myself with the people that matter the most to me.


My closest group of girlfriends, "the cubs" all grew apart recently and it was really hard for me. I noticed we were all talking less, then spending less time together, then all of the sudden there are hurt feelings and crappy arguments. We're hanging out more now, and its a good thing because two members of our five person clique are moving before the summer.


Bailey & Emily are both moving :(

I pride myself in having amazing friends who I am incredibly close with. Not a day goes by that I don't remark about how lucky I am. My daughter is growing up with a ridiculous amount of "Aunts" and I love that.


Darcy & I

I'm going to miss my girls, but I'm so thankful for the time I've spent with them. We've had some awesome laughs and I know they'll be in my life forever, regardless of where we all end up.


Bailey & I

Its hard for me to think about how my inaction has hurt others, because I certainly wouldn't ever try to be distant or less compassionate than I should... unfortunately it happens. Its so hard not to get completely wrapped up into my own life, especially when things are busy and complex.


Darcy, Bailey, & Zaynab

Emily B is an excellent example of this, while she's one of my very closest friends I hardly ever talk to her. When I do, we catch up and chat for as long as possible, but its still not as often as it should be. She lives far away so we can't just call each other up to drink wine and talk... and I tend not to text/call/email as often as I should. Its no good at all.



I'm not proud of a situation with a really close friend... We've known each other online for quite a while, and she's been an invaluable source of advice, support, and understanding during my separation and divorce. When I started dating again she was the first to ask how things were going, so excited for me... When she faced a rough spot in her life though, I didn't show her the same compassion as she showed me. I was too concerned with my own things to give any thoughts to hers, and right when she needed it the most... Its a real shame. I noticed she all but disappeared from my online life and it gave me such a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I immediately thought of how much she'd done for me and felt horrible.

C, I'm sorry I've been an awful friend. I love you tons and I realize what a slap in the face my distance has been. I'm very sorry. <3



I'm learning that the biggest part of having amazing friends is making sure they understand just how much I appreciate them. Putting effort into maintaining those relationships needs to take a much higher priority in my life, and it will be from here on out...

We teach our kids by example and I want Marti Pearl to grow up building healthy relationships... I need to make sure I am.