My friend Mary wants to lose 150 pounds.



Its a big job, and its so damn hard to do even with the full support of everyone in your life. Its making different choices, staying consistent, and re-training your brain to recognize the difference between unhealthy habits and actual hunger. In a society where fast food is more readily available than fresh food, its so difficult to find a balance between eating well and eating realistically.

Mary is a mother of 3, she shapes her day around her kiddos, her husband, her family, and her close friends. She commits herself to making a happy home, kissing boo-boos, and trying to keep up with mountains of laundry. She's remarkable though because I have honestly never seen this woman not smiling, in the 5+ years I've known her I have never seen her cry, or frown, or mope. She is just a ray of sunshine all the time. Through financial difficulty, through the ups and downs of marriage, child-rearing, exhaustion... she's always got something positive to say.



When I lost my 100 pounds, Mary was a constant force in my life. She was the most encouraging friend I had all. the. time. Now women, none of us want to admit this but we all hate to see our friends get skinnier than us. There's something within all of us that makes us go "wait, she looks better than me! well crap." We're all guilty of it, its just part of having a vagina. None of us can deny that, we've all felt it at some point. Over the years, she has never neglected to tell me how wonderful I looked every time I saw her. She never distanced herself from me or made catty remarks... she was 100% supportive always.

She's been trying to lose 150 pounds for a while now. She's lost and gained, and lost again, but she fights what every person does... its just hard, its even harder when you add a family and a full schedule, and its nearly impossible when you're a mama who dedicates every bit of your life to your family and your kids. If Mary is guilty of anything, its neglecting herself. She wants to be on the Biggest Loser. So far she's been to 2 casting calls and she's trying to garner support on the internet. If anyone deserves an opportunity to focus solely on herself, it is her because I guarantee that if you gave someone so determined and committed the tools to improve her life, she would absolutely soar.



So with that said, support my friend Mary. She absolutely deserves it.


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Good luck, mama! You are wonderful, beautiful, and you deserve this. I'm behind you all the way.

Tomorrow, my divorce announcement runs in the paper. Yes, divorce announcement... I'm still technically married. In fact, we might not even be officially divorced before our 3rd wedding anniversary, even though we started our separation process before our 2nd. Due to finances and enormous changes within both of our lives, we've had to delay the most basic part of this whole process... the paperwork. We're both looking forward to having everything official, even though realistically, its been that way for a very long time.

Its been bittersweet, and we did things very differently than any other couple I've ever met... but really how haven't we been different? From beginning to end, we set our own course.

When Bean-girl came along, I'd been working from home for a few months. I enjoyed my work tremendously and worked very hard, even with an infant attached to my breast all day. When Marshall and I split I faced the sad realization that I couldn't support myself and Bean-girl as a single mom work-at-home freelance graphic designer who blogs on the side. (Phew, I'm tired just typing that.) I've had to work very hard to grow my business while still being a really stellar mama, and he has sacrificed his wants for our needs. I pride myself in sleeping little, accomplishing much, and not giving up despite no real sense of financial security. Its gotten me far, but I could never have done it without Marshall. He's made it possible for me to continue staying home with our daughter and doing what I love, despite the end of our marriage. I am so very lucky, and so very grateful.

Marshall, you're one of my closest friends and forever will be such an important part of my life. We obviously weren't meant to be together, but you gave me a gift I never expected to have... one that has turned my life so very upside down, and I love you for it. From the day we found out Miss Marti Pearl was on her way, I knew I'd found my purpose in this life, and I could never thank you enough. I know you'll accomplish the things you've always wanted, and I'm glad that even though we won't be standing side-by-side, I get to watch your life unfold and witness all of the great things you're destined to accomplish.





Its hard not to write all of this with tears in my eyes because of the finality of it all. We made a hell of a team, but we were just too damn young for all of the pressure of being real married adults with a child. We grew up so fast, but we grew into different people than we ever expected to be. With my growing came dreams of bigger things, of independence and self-motivated success. With his, a yearning for a life we didn't have... security, simplicity, and iced tea on the front porch. Even through the toughest times we both realized that we really liked the other person, we just weren't on the same page anymore.


So we've all moved on. This is such an amazing time, a new life complete with a sense of personal success and accomplishment for being able to provide for my daughter and I. We'll be moving into our new house soon, just the two of us. I'm finally making it doing what I love... the independence I've been longing for. My baby has grown into a beautiful girl who sings me songs and kisses me on the cheek just to see me smile. All of this made sweeter with friends that I can't imagine my life without, a new love, and a newfound self-confidence. I am looking so forward to where this interesting road is taking me. I absolutely love my life right now, and while I feel anxious about the emotional complexities of what's to come, its not as if I'm facing this divorce as a new thing. I've grieved the ending of this relationship privately and openly for over a year now.

My entire "divorce diary" was full as of May. I wrote it in hopes that I'd be able to share it someday, in the form of a book... catty and unemotional at times, overcome with fear and mourning at others. I started it not to chronicle my separation and divorce, but to begin confronting the issues that led to the end of my marriage. As I finished it I realized it would never be something I could show to anyone... its the most deeply private thing I've ever written, embarrassing and therapeutic at the same time. In June I tossed it into the Arkansas River... seemed the only fitting place for all of those secrets to lie.

Marti Pearl will never know of a messy fight over possessions or tight-lipped every-other-weekend hand offs. Her father and I have a fantastic relationship which despite its immeasurable changes, has proven to be stronger than we ever realized. Withstanding this divorce and committing ourselves to a close friendship is more than many couples twice our age can accomplish, and we owe it all to the one with his cheeks and my sassy disposition. Thank you, Marti Pearl... you are truly more powerful than you could possibly realize.

Happy divorce announcement day, Marshall. May the next time I see your name in print be for a happier reason. <3

I have successfully held my tongue throughout election season. I'm sure many of you at this point have no idea who I even voted for, I really figured that was the best way to do things. I honestly didn't feel that passionate about this election, as much as I wanted to, I just couldn't get into it. Don't get me wrong, I'm utterly thrilled with the outcome. I do believe that Obama will be a catalyst for change for our country. I'm not one to buy into the amazing hope that so many of us have right now that he'll be able to turn this country around simply because he is a charismatic leader with huge ideas, and now the power to make them happen. I have never and will never be able to place that kind of faith in our government. What I am excited about, and what I hope you are as well, is how invested the American people are in the process. This is history that we're making, and we're all thrilled about it. Record voter turnouts, young and old Americans alike working together for a common goal... we needed this. More than we needed any certain person in the white house, we needed something to get involved in. We needed to feel like we could make something big happen.

And we did! Even if you didn't vote for our president-elect you made this happen. By watching, listening, learning, we were responsible for the fire we all felt walking into our polling places, for the butterflies in all of our stomachs last Tuesday night... And that is amazing. I voted with my daughter on my lap, explaining to her what was happening while filling in my bubbles because even at her young age, I wanted her to own a part of this. I made a big dinner, opened up a bottle of wine, and sat watching the smiles and the tears and the pride on the faces of people just like me all over our nation. I hope to never forget it. For the first time in my adult life, I feel like this was MY America.

Unfortunately there was a dark shadow cast over that incredible night as I watched the election results for Proposition 8 (California) and Act 1 (Arkansas) with a sad heart. Clicking refresh every few minutes on the election result sites, I grew fearful that MY America would let me down... and it did. I was utterly shocked. I couldn't honestly believe that in this day and age, in a country that is making so much forward movement, overcoming so much of the hatred and ignorance that has fueled years of oppression for our own people, that we still feel the need to place our thumb on a group of our citizens. People living and working in our communities do not have the same rights as I do, simply because we feel self-important enough to stand on the ground of religion and tell them they are not allowed to do something as basic as marry the person they choose or foster and adopt children who need loving homes. Who in the world do we think we are?

The people of California voted to take away the most fundamental human right... to love unabashedly, no matter who you are. We sure think we're incredibly special, don't we? I love God and I love America. I own guns, I speak freely, and I married who I wanted when I wanted because it was my right. I take all of that for granted on a daily basis because these are rights that are protected by law, they won't be snatched away. Gay people do not have the same rights now, we the people have turned up our noses and snatched it away because of fear. We're scared that redefining marriage will destroy its sanctity. We are honestly trying to say we are working to protect an institution with a 50% success rate... in my very humble opinion, our stats aren't looking so great as is- some redefinition certainly couldn't hurt!

If I wanted to foster or adopt a child, I could do it. These are my rights, and I appreciate them more than I'll ever be able to express. I can't imagine having them taken away simply because I fell in love with someone that the state didn't approve of. I cringe at the thought of the foster children who will be taken from the parents that love them, straight or gay, simply because we'd like to say that's what God wants. The Family Council had this to say...

I really believe that it was God’s divine providence and your hard work that made this day possible. From the beginning, I believed that we could pass the Adoption Act handily—but I knew it would only be through prayer and perseverance. Today, after almost 2 years of working on this issue, I can honestly say that we’ve all won. Because of your dedication, children will be placed in better homes. Because of your determination, a gay agenda that our opponents brought to Arkansas has been put on its heels. This is a good day for Arkansas, and you have a right to feel proud to be a part of something so significant.

Who is the family council to assume that our marital state determines our worth as parents? I. Call. Bullshit. Is this group really broadcasting that unmarried couples are providing a sub-par life for their children? That's certainly the most offensive sweeping generalization that I've ever heard. Why are we not shouting from the rooftops here!?! Oh yeah, its because we're talking about gay people. Gay parents couldn't possibly be as loving and supportive as straight ones, we couldn't possibly let them provide for children who need it the most, its got to be beyond their capabilities. Does anyone else find this as ridiculous as I do? I mean really!? We voted to limit the rights of gays in Arkansas, and in the process left so many casualties along the way. Now straight unmarried couples simply do not have the option, and most importantly... these children are losing their chance for a loving family.

What upsets me the most is that a majority of Arkansans feel the same way. That in the state I love, 57% of people were so terrified of gay people that they voted to take away their most important right... to have a family. That is simply horrifying. To do it on the grounds of religion is unspeakable, and makes me ashamed for those of you who feel comfortable citing Jesus when shamefully and openly hating and oppressing a fellow person that God made and loves. The God that lives in my heart loves universally, always has, always will.

I am both thrilled and saddened by the choices of my fellow Americans. I am disheartened that this form of hate has been deemed acceptable in today's society... these are not God's values, these are not my values. It is absolutely disgusting and shameful. In this time of change, I pray that the people of my country can embrace the love and light inside of us, and that the balance will be shifted so that ALL people, gay or straight, married or unmarried, will have the rights and liberties that they deserve.

Keith Olbermann said it best (as always), and left me in tears, when speaking about Prop 8. This isn't about yelling, this isn't about politics, its about the human heart.


Even if you're not a fan of Keith Olbermann, or if you don't have any investment in this issue, what he has to say is profound and relevant for every single person. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did. (Read here if you prefer)