There's really nothing worse in the world than an ugly baby... I mean, babies are supposed to be cute, cuddly little balls of joy... right? "Ugly baby" is an oxymoron in itself... except not. There are too many of the little buggers rolling, crawling, and toddling around right now to not believe its true. Ugly babies do exist, and its just down right wrong.

You have 3 categories of ugly babies, too. The first is the ugly baby belonging to the doting parents who would never think that their child is anything but a beautiful little creature they imagined for those 9 long months... I mean, they realize he's a little funny looking... sure his little nose is all squished, his eyes are just a tad crossed, and his head is still cone-shaped by the time he's mastered the art of crawling, but its just a phase... he'll grow in to it!

These are the parents who will inevitably send you 15,000 pictures of their little angel's 2 month photo shoot, where the kid really resembles a confused fur-challenged monkey.


The second category is the poor little guy whose parents realize the full extent of their kid's ugliness... but it can go two ways.

You've got the cool parents, who realizing it, play it off while hoping that kid will grow into his odd features... and hey, if he doesn't, at least he'll have a great sense of humor

But there are those parents, who realizing their adorable little sunshine princess sortof looks like a bulldog, put some serious work into making her look absolutely frilly every time she's out of the house... bows, ruffles, the works... the overcompensation is ridiculous, but you can't just cover a turd with chocolate and call it a treat.


The last group, and this is, in my opinion, the unluckiest of them all, are the kids whose parents are in complete and total denial that their kid is ugly... these are the kids that have it the worst because at some point in their lives they're going to see a baby picture and realize "damn! i was one ugly little kid!" and that sucks... every ugly baby should at least be a little prepared for it! We won't even go into the appearance of the parents on this one, just expect tons of pictures around Christmas time, and try your best not to show them off to friends and family like you're pointing out toothless carnys at the county fair... unfortunately, that's frowned upon no matter how crazy that kid looks.


The only good thing is that most ugly babies, at least the ones I've seen, don't go on to be ugly kids, or ugly adults... now I'm not saying that there aren't plenty of ugly people out there, it can definitely happen... but an ugly baby is not necessarily doomed... but what would I know? I've got very limited experience with such things... even covered in peaches my kid is freaking adorable...

Ok, I've already said I'm way spoiled.
Bean is an awesome baby who lets me sleep tons, plays by herself during the day so I can work, hardly ever cries (hungry/sleepy/scared of strange people wanting to hold her) and eats really well. I'm a spoiled mom and I'll never have another for fear that I'd have a baby who would require more sleepless nights and even more attention. Yeah, its kindof selfish, but I'm allowed, I've been through the newborn phase.

So lately Bean and I have had some very trying times. She hasn't wanted to sleep, she's wanted to eat more than normal, and NO ONE touches the baby but mom. I figured all of this was due to allergies and reaching new milestones. I wasn't as concerned as I was totally frazzled. I was lacking sleep and patience, and I desperately needed a teeny tiny baby-break. One that still seems very out of reach...

Yesterday was bad. Bean didn't want to play by herself at all... she didn't want to sleep, she just wanted to eat, or hang out on my lap. I didn't mind that so much (though it did make it hard to get any work done) but I was INCREDIBLY frustrated that every time I laid her down in her crib she sprung back up, not necessarily upset, but definitely not sleepy. She'd play for a few moments, then back to the boob. We did this probably ten times yesterday and by the eleventh, I was practically in tears.

She was fussy and I couldn't get her to stay asleep... she was mighty cuddly, and she wouldn't let me put her down. I think it was the sight of her crying with one finger hooked in her lip that made me think "teeth?" which, believe me... I've thought many times before (so many, in fact that Husband-pants started adding it to his list of things that could potentially be making her cry: diaper? food? teeth? deep baby thoughts about the state of the nation's economy?) but no teeth were ever there, so we finally stopped assuming that was what was up. I stuck my finger in her little baby mouth and lo and behold! there were teeth! One and a half of them! Right there on the bottom. Joy! Now of course, this called for some serious snuggling and phone calls to the grandparents. Fussy babies are one thing, teeth are another!

I still can't shake that yucky feeling that I'm a terrible mommy for being so frustrated that she was fussy but I'm told it happens to all of us. Its further solidified the feeling that a mini-mommy vacation is necesary, and should happen as soon as possible. Not because I don't love my child (and her teeth) but because sometimes even moms, in all of their infinite wisdom and love can totally overlook all of the signs and say "what in the world is wrong with you, drooly crying thing!?" especially when exhaustion, stress, and teeth come into play.

Bean is in to everything. She's almost mastered the art of crawling, right now its more of a rocking/pulling with her hands/dragging her feet thing, which is cute in a baby duckling sort of way, with its awkwardness increased exponentially by how many blankets/toys are in the way of where she is and where she wants to be. Its adorable, really. That means we've spent nearly a month babyproofing our home. Currently, the only non-babyfriendly items consist of our wine rack, and bedroom. We thought it'd be a great idea to buy a bed similar to this last fall. The only problem is, its got sharp corners everywhere. I've got bruises on my shins from clumsily searching for the bathroom at night and last week Bean bumped her noggin straight on the corner. It was terrible. We're officially on the hunt for a baby-friendly bed, I'm slowly giving in.

Really though, Bean's a handful. A grimy-handed, drooly-faced, long-haired diaper tyrant that cares only for boobs, mirrors, and pets... Not really. She's a lovable, adorable little monkey that wants to play all the time and love on everyone. She's really enjoying playing by herself now, which is lovely. She weighs 17lbs 3oz and she's 26inches. That makes her 75% in weight, which is fantastic. She's eating solids like a champ, and blabbering up a storm. She's absolutely amazing and I can't keep up with her a bit.