This morning while sitting in my favorite coffee shop working I recognized a familiar smell. There are so many times this happens, though not often that I immediately realize exactly what it is that I'm smelling, or remembering...



This morning it was diaper cream. Burt's Bees makes some pretty delicious smelling tushy-balm and I've used it from day one on Bean girl's bottom. Two years of product loyalty is really saying something, especially for a super fickle consumer such as myself. The smell brings me back to days that seem so far away, learning how to function on even less sleep than I got in college, mastering one-handed typing with a tiny person attached to my breast, wishing for a Wal-Mart trip just to interact with people who could actually speak... two years seems so long ago.



These days its all Yo Gabba Gabba and potty training, kitty cat chasing, iy-wuv-yoooouuu's and PB&J sandwiches. Don't get me wrong, I love the stage we're in! She's energetic and full of life, discovering her sense of humor and exploring her world... its beautiful. There are days that I miss that tiny life, though, when things were so new and fragile... I think all moms do. I realized the smell of diaper cream I picked up actually came from me, as my baby's not entirely grown yet. A tiny smear on my pants and I'm immediately thinking about those days...



Looking at pictures of Gwen Stefani with little Zuma reminds me of days I remember fondly, past the point of Swaddlers and nonstop boob nomz but not quite to crawling through the house to terrorize the puppies... a beautiful window of baby-scented everything and chubby little smiles. Ahh... Love it.



Tell me... what's your favorite smell? What memory does it invoke for you?

There's been a whole lot of change this summer, starting in May when we officially returned from cottage-life and Texas, and moved into a cozy little house right in the middle of town. Our new house is lovely, and is finally starting to feel like a home... and one that makes me mighty proud, at that. I've put a ton of work into it over the summer, and its really starting to show. One of these days I might even get around to posting some pictures of all of the progress, but for now... take my word for it- it has come a long way and it looks awesome.

Bean girl is now 18 months old. A whole 1.5 years, and she's just getting more adorable by the day. She's talking so much more, every day she's doing something new. Yesterday we made cupcakes and this morning she walked up to the fridge and said "cupcake, mommy" which of course, is really hard to resist, no matter how wrong it is to eat cupcakes for breakfast!! Currently she is sleeping, which has afforded me a tiny bit of time to hop online and tell you all that I have officially returned... but not too much, as I have lots of work to do!

Work is amazing. I can't even express how amazed I am. I'm feeling truly blessed that I've had a constant stream of work since June, when I officially opened Lush Innovative Design. I have other designers sending me referrals and I'm still working with my mom's company which is keeping me incredibly busy.

I had a back injury earlier this summer... actually that makes it sound like I did something traumatic and hurt my back, when in fact, I think it was just a culmination of too many years of neglecting myself. I've been meaning to get into the chiropractor, to walk more, to get my hind-end off of the couch on a more regular basis... blah blah blah... but last month it caught up with me. I was couch/bed bound for over a week, and drugged out of my mind for a reasonable amount of time. I'm feeling back to good, and working hard to keep it in shape. No more down time for me, there's too much fun in this world for me to be stuck on the couch!

This week I got to do something that I've been dreaming about since high school. I got to see Ani DiFranco in concert. I know, I know, crunchy hippie jokes start right about here... but seriously. I have been a huge Ani fan for a lot of years, and I was thrilled to death when I found out she was coming to my town, and that I was able to go! Husband-pants begrudgingly accompanied me to the show, and actually enjoyed it as well (shh, don't tell the guys) not necessarily because of her songs, as he's not a big fan of folk music, but his first remark was about her awesome stage presence, and I completely and totally agree. It was an incredible show and she has an amazing energy that shined through the whole place. Her daughter was born last January, and one of the songs off of her new album was especially amazing to me. I feel like this song was written for me, my mom, and every mom I know.

Present/Infant ~ Ani DiFranco

lately I've been glaring into mirrors, picking myself apart
you'd think at my age I'd have thought of something better to do
than make insecurity into a full time job
make insecurity into an art
yes and I fear my life will be over
and I will have never lived it unfettered
always glaring into mirrors, mad I don't look better

but now here is this tiny baby
and they say she looks just like me
and she is smiling at me
with that present infant glee
and I would defend to the ends of the earth
her perfect right to be

so I'm beginning to see some problems
with the ongoing work of my mind
and I've got myself a new mantra
it says "don't forget to have a good time"
don't let the sellers of stuff
power enough to rob you of your grace

love is all over the place
there's nothing wrong with your face

love is all over the place
there's nothing wrong with your face


Listen to it here (track #3)


Also, keep on scrolling. I tried my best to catch you guys up a little on what the last month or so has looked like for me. <3>

Happy Birthday, Bean... your first year has been a great one!

There's really nothing worse in the world than an ugly baby... I mean, babies are supposed to be cute, cuddly little balls of joy... right? "Ugly baby" is an oxymoron in itself... except not. There are too many of the little buggers rolling, crawling, and toddling around right now to not believe its true. Ugly babies do exist, and its just down right wrong.

You have 3 categories of ugly babies, too. The first is the ugly baby belonging to the doting parents who would never think that their child is anything but a beautiful little creature they imagined for those 9 long months... I mean, they realize he's a little funny looking... sure his little nose is all squished, his eyes are just a tad crossed, and his head is still cone-shaped by the time he's mastered the art of crawling, but its just a phase... he'll grow in to it!

These are the parents who will inevitably send you 15,000 pictures of their little angel's 2 month photo shoot, where the kid really resembles a confused fur-challenged monkey.


The second category is the poor little guy whose parents realize the full extent of their kid's ugliness... but it can go two ways.

You've got the cool parents, who realizing it, play it off while hoping that kid will grow into his odd features... and hey, if he doesn't, at least he'll have a great sense of humor

But there are those parents, who realizing their adorable little sunshine princess sortof looks like a bulldog, put some serious work into making her look absolutely frilly every time she's out of the house... bows, ruffles, the works... the overcompensation is ridiculous, but you can't just cover a turd with chocolate and call it a treat.


The last group, and this is, in my opinion, the unluckiest of them all, are the kids whose parents are in complete and total denial that their kid is ugly... these are the kids that have it the worst because at some point in their lives they're going to see a baby picture and realize "damn! i was one ugly little kid!" and that sucks... every ugly baby should at least be a little prepared for it! We won't even go into the appearance of the parents on this one, just expect tons of pictures around Christmas time, and try your best not to show them off to friends and family like you're pointing out toothless carnys at the county fair... unfortunately, that's frowned upon no matter how crazy that kid looks.


The only good thing is that most ugly babies, at least the ones I've seen, don't go on to be ugly kids, or ugly adults... now I'm not saying that there aren't plenty of ugly people out there, it can definitely happen... but an ugly baby is not necessarily doomed... but what would I know? I've got very limited experience with such things... even covered in peaches my kid is freaking adorable...

Bean is walking... in a serious way. She took those monumental first steps on January 3rd, and husband pants totally missed out. He went to see a movie with a friend, and bean girl and I had just finished dinner. She's been walking around the couch for months now, but I positioned myself just out of arms reach and asked her to come see me. She toddled on over, and when she reached me looked up like "oh wow... that was cool." She's been alternating between crawling and walking since then, and is just fascinated with this whole walking thing. She's doing it all the time now. The dogs aren't nearly as excited about it, of course, but they don't have much of a say in these matters...

Also, check out those mad dancing skills! The kid loves sad old country songs, what can I say- its mostly husband's fault. She's a sucker for a good beat- TV, radio, catchy cell phone ringtone... she'll be dancing for sure.

She's pretty darn fantastic, I know...

This week brought our most important milestone yet... the dreaded, yet ever-important, first haircut...




I don't have to tell you how out of control the hair had gotten, do I?


We awoke on Christmas morning to some insane baby-hair and found that nothing would fix it... no comb, water, or hat could make it any less wild, so after much consideration we decided it was time. The way I see it, the kid's got more hair than some 3 year olds, so I didn't feel terrible about cutting it before her first birthday (a no-no, I've learned) yet I worried... I mean, she's always getting compliments... her eyelashes, her overwhelming adorable-ness, but everyone loves her long hair... if I took that away would I be dooming her to mediocre-looking babydom? That would be awful. If you don't know how serious I am you evidently haven't seen how people ignore those so-so babies. Its a tragedy, really. (No offense to those of you without insanely adorable kids, of course.)

Anyhow, we cut it. Luckily, I didn't have to bribe her with salami and ice cream like Katie did with Olive, but you better believe I had some crackers on hand just in case it got ugly. I handed her a night light and a bar of soap, and asked my mom to keep them out of her mouth while I snipped! It worked well, and by the time she realized what I was doing, it was over. We were very surprised at how thick her hair looks now! Its a lot easier to keep clean too, which is a definite plus for someone who finds great joy in smooshing apricots into her ears!

This year bean girl is getting the present every kid wants...


Her two front teeth!!




She's thrilled. Really. She's got a whole 3 teeth as of today with the 4th breaking the surface as I type... my poor nipples aren't very happy.


Disclaimer: I promise I didn't make my baby cry so I could take a picture of her, I was clicking away as she was very pleasantly playing with her new bowl and plate when bam! tears and screams! Such is the way of teeth, I suppose...

Man, I know a kid's gotta chew but good lord!? Why is it that she's never been interested in gnawing on my nipple until she's got 2 sharp pointy little teeth!?!?!?!

Sweet Jesus I'm dying over here!


Oh, and she's just too cute when she does it too. She's like "nom nom nom" and I'm screaming and jumping off the couch and she just looks at me and laughs.

HA HA real funny, diaper monster. reeeeaaaaal funny.

Ok, I've already said I'm way spoiled.
Bean is an awesome baby who lets me sleep tons, plays by herself during the day so I can work, hardly ever cries (hungry/sleepy/scared of strange people wanting to hold her) and eats really well. I'm a spoiled mom and I'll never have another for fear that I'd have a baby who would require more sleepless nights and even more attention. Yeah, its kindof selfish, but I'm allowed, I've been through the newborn phase.

So lately Bean and I have had some very trying times. She hasn't wanted to sleep, she's wanted to eat more than normal, and NO ONE touches the baby but mom. I figured all of this was due to allergies and reaching new milestones. I wasn't as concerned as I was totally frazzled. I was lacking sleep and patience, and I desperately needed a teeny tiny baby-break. One that still seems very out of reach...

Yesterday was bad. Bean didn't want to play by herself at all... she didn't want to sleep, she just wanted to eat, or hang out on my lap. I didn't mind that so much (though it did make it hard to get any work done) but I was INCREDIBLY frustrated that every time I laid her down in her crib she sprung back up, not necessarily upset, but definitely not sleepy. She'd play for a few moments, then back to the boob. We did this probably ten times yesterday and by the eleventh, I was practically in tears.

She was fussy and I couldn't get her to stay asleep... she was mighty cuddly, and she wouldn't let me put her down. I think it was the sight of her crying with one finger hooked in her lip that made me think "teeth?" which, believe me... I've thought many times before (so many, in fact that Husband-pants started adding it to his list of things that could potentially be making her cry: diaper? food? teeth? deep baby thoughts about the state of the nation's economy?) but no teeth were ever there, so we finally stopped assuming that was what was up. I stuck my finger in her little baby mouth and lo and behold! there were teeth! One and a half of them! Right there on the bottom. Joy! Now of course, this called for some serious snuggling and phone calls to the grandparents. Fussy babies are one thing, teeth are another!

I still can't shake that yucky feeling that I'm a terrible mommy for being so frustrated that she was fussy but I'm told it happens to all of us. Its further solidified the feeling that a mini-mommy vacation is necesary, and should happen as soon as possible. Not because I don't love my child (and her teeth) but because sometimes even moms, in all of their infinite wisdom and love can totally overlook all of the signs and say "what in the world is wrong with you, drooly crying thing!?" especially when exhaustion, stress, and teeth come into play.

Now that Bean has discovered how much fun it is to pull herself up on everything (furniture, boxes, pets, dads laying on the floor, etc...) she has decided sleep, albiet necessary and rather wonderful, is for chumps. In fact, she's refusing to do it. Ever.

Man, these milestones are killing me. I'm going to need some eye cream and amphetamines if I'm going to make it through teething/walking/talking. Sheesh.

I know its all my fault too, for being one of those smug moms who gets tons of sleep and thinks she knows the secret. There is no secret. There is only karma. I have definitely learned my lesson.

*Yawn*

At 6 and a half months, Bean is fully mobile. Watch out, world!