Ashley and I, bringing some fun to single mom-dom

I feel like I'm starting to become somewhat of an expert on single parent dating... it seems its only right of me to share some of my wisdom. There are so many misconceptions about what single moms want out of relationships so let me enlighten you... single moms want to have fun. We're thrillseekers, living on love and giggles. We are experts at play... we love fun and we simply can't get enough of it. Yes, being a single mom is tough, but its also one hell of an adventure. Very simply, we know what we want, and that's someone to adventure along with us.

There was no lack of sex in my marriage. My ex-husband and I both agree, in fact, that sex was not a factor in our divorce. If anything, it was part of the reason we stayed together as long as we did... Though at the ripe ol' age of (almost) 25 I find myself divorced, thinner than I was the last time I was a single woman, and completely ready to have some fun.


Yes, that's right... fun. I'm not looking to fall madly in love, to have a serious relationship, to settle down, to get married and pop out more kiddos... I'm simply looking to enjoy myself, and I don't see a damn thing wrong with that. You see, I realized something very important when I became a mom... on the whole, adults are entirely too serious. We spend our time planning and calculating, making grocery lists in our heads and dreaming of vacations from our mundane lives. We all do it, but we didn't always.

Do something for me... find a toddler. A 2 or 3 year old, find them and ask them a simple question: "Do you want to play?" You'd be hard pressed to find one that'd say no. Kids live to play, they love fun more than anything. The toy industry is thriving despite recalls and unfavorable economic conditions simply because play is important! As a single mom I spend at least half of my day just playing... watching the little one every day reminds me to just relax, enjoy the moment, and have fun at all times. I knew I was on the right track when a friend said "I like your excitement over the simplest things"


When I started dating again I became very familiar with "what are you looking for?" ...its everyone's favorite icebreaker. Its a tough question, the first few times I really struggled through it, explaining that I was fresh out of a divorce, not quite ready to start another relationship, a busy girl with very little time to invest into a relationship, a mom who always put her kiddo first... but I've since realized what I actually am looking for, and that's to just have some fun.

I recently woke up in bed with a man, it was a beautiful day with sunlight peeking through the blinds, and as I sat up in bed I could feel him looking at my backside so I turned to look at him. I was startled a little when I realized how intently he was taking in every bit, watching me as I fixed my messy hair and began to dress, his eyes fixed on my hips and breasts, I felt so truly beautiful... in my most basic form I was sharing myself with another person, and it was so intensely satisfying. Much more than touching or kissing, this was a different kind of lovemaking. I felt appreciated in a way that I hadn't in so very long... and now I'm hooked.


I want to play, dance, flirt, laugh and feel to the fullest extent... I want to know that I'm bringing joy to someone's life, while also taking some for myself! I want to eat up all of the thrills and leave everything else for another day. The greatest sexual revolution of my life thus far began when I started acting like a kid again.

I'm not shutting myself off from falling in love, in fact I'd love to fall head over heels and see it being a very real possibility in the future, but on my terms... When I'm good and ready. When I get into a relationship again, it will be one based on a mutual appreciation of fun, play, and daily adventures. It'll be someone who turns me on without even trying, who knows just what to say or do to make me melt, but most importantly someone who shares my love and excitement for the little things in life.

For now though... I'm just going to keep enjoying myself.

In my other blog I asked my readers to give me their opinions on important parenting matters. It started as curiosity on my part and ended up with an overwhelming response from some very opinionated women, all sharing their parenting philosophies. This sounds like quite a recipe for disaster, I know, but really, everyone played nicely despite differing opinions.

Here are some excerpts...

Breastfeeding
Free baby nutrition? I'm all for it. At the mall, at church, at the Wal-Mart... when ever baby is hungry. Whip it out.
K, no kids yet (hopefully soon!) - Poway, CA

i really think that all mom's should give their best, most honest effort to nurse their babies. i don't think a mom should ever have to cover up and i think they should be allowed to nurse anywhere, anytime without being hassled. i honestly don't care if someone is uncomfortable with it in public. if you are out in public, you get to deal with the public. i'm uncomfortable with people cursing loudly around my kids, but sometimes you just have to deal with it.
K, mom of 2, with another on the way - Fort Bragg, NC

i had one child that did it for over a year, one that wouldnt have anything to do with it after 6 months, and another who was way too tiny, that i had to pump and give it to him that way. all babies are different, but i truly believe that all mothers should atleast attempt to breastfeed...and if the baby won't, then pumping is the next best thing. breast is best...so why wouldn't a mom give her baby the absolute best?
A, mom of 3, Louisville, KY

Great for those who can do it. I wish everyone could. I think the goal should be to make sure that women who choose to do it get all the support they need learning, and that women who choose not to are not made to feel guilty. I started out breastfeeding, but because of a condition my child had, it turned out anything with lactose was basically poison. Not just lactose intolerance, but very very bad. But you can't walk around wearing a t shirt that says "My child has galactosemia." I didn't get any crap from anyone for not breastfeeding, but I know a lot of people do. At least she got the first two weeks, and got all those lovely antibodies.
A, mom of 1 - Lanesboro, MN

I didn't do it because I had infected milk ducts and couldn't, but if you can and you want to then go ahead with your bad self. I do hate all the breastfeeding nazis out there who try to shame women who choose not to or just plain can't. Sometimes you just can't, and I don't think giving people shit about it or saying "oh you didn't try hard enough" ultimately helps anyone.
E, mom of 1 - Fort Smith, AR

Co-Sleeping
This just sounds like a bad idea to me. I can't stand that our pets sleep with us, so I can't imagine I'd feel good about my baby sleeping with us. I don't mind having a bassinet in the room up to 4 or 5 months old, but not in a bed with me. No thanks.
R, no kids (yet!) - South Carolina

co-sleeping meaning sleeping within close proximity but may or may not be on the same surface- not a problem with that. it's great for when they are really little and still waking up at night. if you mean bed-sharing, then i think where ever EVERYONE in the family gets the best rest then that's where they should sleep. if having a family bed works for a family, that's great, but if it doesn't work for everyone then i don't think it should be pursued. i will never be one of those moms who kicks my husband out of our bed cause he isn't on-board with having a family bed. i'd just move the baby to a bassinet or crib next to our bed (which is what we did with the boys.)
K, mom of 2, with another on the way - Fort Bragg, NC

I FULLY support co sleeping. I mean, think about it......you and your baby are LITERALLY attached for 9 months and all of the sudden, one day, you rip her from the only world she's known and force her to be isolated and feel alone in a world where she can't communicate? No no no. If people don't want to do it, that's ok, I think it's kind of wrong though. If you don't want your baby in your bed, I think a co-sleeper is a good alternative. I am TOTALLY against putting newborns in their own rooms.
C, mom of 2 with another on the way - California

Spanking/Discipline
As with all other areas of parenting, pragmatism is king in this issue. I think it's a bit foolhardy to say that spanking is never OK, because you may encounter a situation where spanking is appropriate. My general notion is that spanking is best as a last resort, and only a swat or two to get the point across, not to cause anything beyond momentary physical discomfort. I've met some lame people who were never spanked as children and I've met some excellent people who got the tar beat out of them on a regular basis. This just means that every child is different, every possible disciplinary situation is different, and the thing to do is use your best judgment and aim for keeping your temper in check.
A, mom of 1 - Arizona (I don't know your real name either! ugh! Sorry!)

I've read various schools of thought on this. The one that sticks with me and makes the most sense (to me as a hoping-to-be-a-mom-someday) is: Only use spanking/corporal punishment when the child has done something to endanger themselves or others rather than for just disobeying.
K, no kids yet (hopefully soon!) - Poway, CA

spanking is a no no in our house, as it was in my house growing up. we dicipline with time outs and we have grounded our older ones before (it takes ALOT for us to do that). we can usually talk out our problems.
A, mom of 3 - Louisville, KY

...hasn't really been an issue yet; S is pretty good. I think it will be soon as she is getting more defiant every day. My parents spanked us if we really deserved it for doing something dangerous, ferinstance, if we ran out into traffic without waiting for them. If you don't spank often, when you HAVE to it makes more of an impression.
R, mom of 1 - Faulkner County, AR

I do not believe spanking is an effective method of dicipline. I was hit as a child and it did nothing but frighten me and I don't think a child benefits from being frightened. I give my son a warning and explain to him why he cannot do whatever he may be doing wrong and tell him if he does it again he will get a time out. This usually works but sometimes he needs the time out. He goes right to time out without fussing everytime and when he has sat for 2 mins I come and explain what he has done wrong and why he can't do that and he will repeat me, apologise, give me a hug and kiss and it's done. I believe it's more beneficial for him to understand why not to do something then just be too afraid to do it so he won't be hit.
F, mom of 2 - Peterborough, Canada

I am on the fence about this one. I think that the bottom line is that we shouldn't discipline our children out of anger. And I think the punishment should fit the crime, so to speak.
C, mom of 2 with another on the way - California

To read the full discussion, click here.

What do you think?