I love this girl so much.

I've always believed in the principle of karma. Good things happen when you do good things... good actions spawning good results... yadda yadda blah blah.

I am completely blessed. I am obviously doing something very right, because I have so many good friends.

I've admitted I'm scared of tall people. I met one of my best friends because of that silly, irrational fear.

Photo by Holly Metcalf

She's tall. She's real frickin tall. And she's a dead ringer for Maggie Gyllenhall or Katie Holmes depending on which one you like best. I, of course, am a total Maggie fan.

(seriously, its uncanny- right?)

Last Wednesday I sat with Jacey at her house and thought about life without children. A single lady, Jacey's life is pretty darn uncomplicated. She has a house that just feels warm with 2 happy dogs that greet you with kisses and never leave her side. We drank champagne on her couch to celebrate my 3rd wedding anniversary, and she didn't even get upset when my potty training toddler tinkled all over her floor. She laughs, she smiles, and she absolutely means it. This girl has genuine written all over her, and she's so creative and talented on top of it all, an illustrator who works hard to make such beautiful things.

She's amazing and she owns her own home and she does art for a living, she has no kids. I texted my boyfriend and said "I of course wouldn't trade Marti Pearl for the world, but I'm jealous of this... I look at Jacey and see such happiness and simplicity and I crave that so much. Her carpet doesn't have crackers ground into it, she owns her own home and drinks wine whenever she wants! She has glass trinkets on her coffee table!!" and I meant it. Every word of it. I admire her so much, and can't help but look around at her life and say "wow... that looks so very nice."

I had a hard morning. I emailed Jacey and her response was perfect.

Can't stop thinking about that email!

A friend sent this to me as support and I think you can draw on it too.

One of the hardest things to look at in this life is the lives we didn’t lead, the path not taken, potential left unfulfilled. In stories, those who look back — Lot’s wife, Orpheus and Eurydice — are lost. Looking to the side instead, to gauge how our companions are faring, is a way of glancing at a safer reflection of what we cannot directly bear, like Perseus seeing the Gorgon safely mirrored in his shield.

She sent me this amazing article to offer support in a completely unrelated situation without even knowing how very appropriate it was for our own friendship. Her support was incredibly appropriate, and well-timed.

Jacey, you are amazing. I love you to pieces.

Also, this quote killed me!!
I have never even idly thought for a single passing second that it might make my life nicer to have a small, rude, incontinent person follow me around screaming and making me buy them stuff for the rest of my life.


September 21, 2009 at 1:44 PM Melissa said...

I know what you mean about sometimes looking at people who don't have children and being a little jealous of their "freedom." Having a child is wonderful, but it is also hard and cumbersome. Definitely worth it, but not easy.

It sounds like you do have a great friend though. Yay for Jacey!

September 26, 2009 at 10:34 AM Bex said...

This could not have come at a better time. I am constantly comparing myself and my situation to other people's...and it saps my energy.

I, too wonder what life would be like if I were not a single mother. I came home crying from 2nd grade parent's night because I was the only single mother there, and I had to bring my daughter.

I have got to stop feeling sorry for myself...your blog helps. :)