The first time I met my friend Greg Leding we got our asses handed to us at Taboo. We weren't aware that we were playing against 2 English professors, but they absolutely beat the pants off of us at a game we were pretty confident we'd win. You see, we're pretty smart cookies... we met last year when he showed some very nice Twitter-sympathy when I backed over the gas meter with my car and nearly blew up the entire neighborhood at 6am. After that, we played some Taboo, spent a lot of time laughing, and hung out pretty regularly until last spring.

That's when Greg decided to run for State Representative. I remember the morning he told me, I didn't have a clue what to say. I mean, I was impressed... it seemed like such a natural move for him. Intellectual, political, driven... it was a good fit. Since then, he's been campaigning hard... stickers, yard signs, canvassing neighborhoods... doing the politician thing. Its been amazing to watch, and inspiring to say the least.


I can't tell you about Greg's platforms, I mean... I could, but I won't. What matters to me is the stuff that's not already been covered by campaign. I can tell you that Greg is an amazing person... he really is. He's been an incredibly supportive friend and a great example. He's inspired me think of things in a different way, to recognize needs in my community I'd previously not seen.

Greg was always going, even before the campaign... community events were his thing. Every night of the week he had something going on, and I am just so not that type of person. It takes quite a bit for me to want to get out after working all week, especially to sit and talk politics or environmental sustainability. I am interested, I am concerned, but I am minimally-involved. I recognized that about myself, but after meeting Greg I really started examining it. I hated that there were things that I could be doing to help my community, to improve it... hell, to improve myself... and I just... wasn't. That's when I started working on Take Your Kids to Dickson. I formed a group that focused on improving the overall perception of my community's arts & entertainment district.


Greg inspired something in me that I think was always under the surface, a desire to help the people around me and be more than just aware... to be truly involved. Greg inspired it because that's what he is, that's what he does. He is actually concerned and invested in what he commits himself to. I saw myself in a different light... I realized there were ways in which I should be dedicating my talents and efforts, and all because his influence. Just by knowing him my outlook was completely transformed. I am positive that he will always be one of my most successful and accomplished friends because of his commitment, ambition, and heart. He will always inspire those around him, he will always encourage change and growth. The boy's got soul.

The election is less than 48 hours away now. This has been a long time coming, and I know he is just down right exhausted from all of the work he's put into this campaign. Greg said earlier today "most anyone who's taken a look at the District 92 race has made up his or her mind. We just need to get the people who support us to go vote" and he's right. If you know the issues, if you've made a decision, then fantastic. If not, then stop reading right this second and go do it. Who is your voice? Go do the research and figure out who is leading your community. Go be more than an observer. If you haven't voted early, I ask that you please go vote this week. Take the time... make the effort. Don't do it because you care about voting... do it because you care about your community, your state, your influence on your world. Do it because our kids deserve to see that progress is possible.



Greg, I am truly so proud of you and I am just so thrilled to watch where you go from here. I'll be sure to wear my dancing shoes Tuesday night for your celebration party Tuesday night.

I was shopping a few weeks ago and a little girl about 5 years old walked up and looked me, up and down. She told me she liked my dress then started thumbing through the jeans on the rack next to me. I shifted my armload of clothes and she said "oh! You got a big belly!"

"Well, you're a virgin who can't drive"

I laughed, "you're right, girl. I sure do" and she smiled. Her mom wandered over, unaware of the honesty her little one had just shared and told her to stop bothering me. I told her that her daughter was adorable and she looked up, smiled, and said "take her home with you, really, you'd be begging to return her!"

I chuckled and looked down at the little girl, a little shocked at what her mom had just said, and she was looking up at me smiling from ear to ear, nodding her head. "Well let's go, then!" I said and smiled. She followed me around the store and gave me opinions on every piece of clothing I held up. When they left the little girl hugged me and her mom thanked me for "putting up with her"

I was taken aback... its so rare to hear a parent say things like that anymore. I remember when I was a kid knowing exactly how irritating I was being at any given moment! It was just part of being a kid... we were annoying, loud, perpetually sticky, it was just part of the territory. I didn't consider it as a bad thing, it was just a kid thing. We go through our annoying, dirty, awkward stage, then we grow up and we're more tolerable, better groomed, that was just life.


Today's kids aren't dirty. They're not irritating, they are all precious and uniquely superior to the other. They go to playgroups and eat edamame. They have schedules and nannies and carseats that cost more than a week's worth of groceries. We're so damn fussy about our offspring. We only want what's best for them, so they're in their IKEA beds covered by their organic cotton blankets by 7:15 every night. We playground hover, we work from home. We delay vaccinations, put off kindergarten, fear what TV does to their brains. We attend all of the "mommy & me" play hours we can squeeze in their tiny, packed schedules. Organic, attached, uninoculated, communicative... we want our children to have the perfect childhood, the childhood we didn't... have?

But what about those of us that had great childhoods? That grew up with adventure, independence, a sense of self from a young age? Was it that bad? DId we hate our upbringing that much? Was it that bad? We spend our afternoons in therapy sessions talking about where it all went wrong... and maybe the problem is that we've been over-thinking it all along. We've been planning and preparing and scheduling and not having sex with our spouses for all of the children in our beds. We've created monsters, and those monsters are not our children... they're us.


The "free-range kids" concept fascinates me. I love the idea of my child being independent, self-assured, learning her surroundings without my fear or restrictions, but with her own boundaries.
From the Free Range Kids website:

Do you ever...let your kid ride a bike to the library? Walk to school? Make dinner? Or are you thinking about it? If so, you are raising a Free-Range Kid! Free-Rangers believe in helmets, car seats, seat belts — safety! We just do NOT believe that every time school age kids go outside, they need a security detail.

I'd like to think that my daughter is free-range to some degree. Currently, I'm sitting on the couch writing this while she rides her tricycle around the living room in my high heels, her pajamas, and a very fancy hat. She's singing herself a song, having an imaginary race with the cat, and pulling a "trailer" of Littlest Pet Shop animals which she so cleverly attached about an hour ago. She has been enjoying over a full hour of creative play all by herself, without me hovering over her or involving myself in her game. As a working mom, I'm so glad she can do this! I need this time. She needs this time. We're both happy with it.


When we go to the park, I sit and let her play. I'm not the mom going down the slide with my preschooler on my lap or holding her hand up the ladder. I love playing with her, but she's capable of playing on her own, and I let her. She runs around the yard every evening and walks through the mall without holding my hand. That doesn't make me some sort of parenting rebel, and there are plenty of parents that allow their children more freedom, but there are so many parents that don't. Its been a conscious decision to allow my daughter to explore her world and learn it by first-hand experience.

But upon reading about "Take Your Kids to the Park & Leave Them There Day" my heart sunk. Maybe my daughter wasn't as "free-range" as I thought. Maybe this has gone too far. I couldn't imagine taking my daughter to the park and leaving her there for any amount of time. I know very well that there are parents who are entirely comfortable with this concept, and I can't knock 'em- its not my kid, not my decision. I just can't help but feel its irresponsible.



There is a distinct difference between raising independent, capable children and neglectful parenting.


At the grocery store today, I watched as a little girl realized she'd gotten separated from her mother. I had seen the girl previously, her mother talking on the phone, 2 kids in the cart and this little girl trailing behind. I heard her screaming and when I looked over I was immediately sad for her. A woman was crouched, trying to calm her down while attempting to get the attention of an employee, and this little girl was wailing and crying, so upset. As a crowd started to form, everyone looking around for the concerned mother to appear, a little boy ran up and said "mom's over here" took her hand, and off they ran. Where was the mother, I wondered? Was she still on the phone? Had she noticed what had happened and was too embarrassed so she sent her other son to find the missing girl? Would we judge her for temporarily losing her child? Would she be reprimanded? What about the mom who leaves her baby in the car while she runs into the store and comes out to find the police have been called on her for neglecting her child? Could the same happen to the mom who misplaced her little girl at the store? What actually dictates "neglect"?

My friend Courtney gives the example of "catching hell" for letting her first and third graders walk a block to school together, "but they did great & gained street savvy." And that's what its really about. My sister and I would walk to and from school from elementary school until graduation, something we both really enjoyed. I miss the days of playing in the back yard after school, something that has been lost to the modern art of the driveway-social-hour that takes place in subdivisions everywhere. We knew our neighborhood, our community first-hand because we got to explore it. Kids today don't have the same luxury. Is it our society? Our insecurities? As parents, we have a very healthy and rational fear because we've seen that there are bad people doing bad things in our world, and we want to do anything possible to protect our kids from it... But are we preventing our kids from doing things that will make them happy, healthy, functional, capable, independent, self-aware adults because of that?

I can see a benefit to taking your kids to the park, of allowing them to interact with other children and fend for themselves... but my child can do that just fine with me sitting within yell-distance. Its not that I don't have faith in my child to fend for herself, its simply that our society just aint what it used to be. I know our boundaries better than anyone else, and I think its reasonable to say on behalf of every parent... our job is to provide a safe environment for our children at all times with respect to those individual boundaries.



I'm curious to see what comes of "Take Your Kids to the Park & Leave Them There" day... and of the free range kids movement... hell, I'm interested to see how our special little snowflake children turn out. Will they all have this grand sense of self, will all of our fussing actually serve a purpose beyond their childhood years? How will this generation behave as adults? What will they accomplish? What will their impact be? How will they raise their our grandchildren?

And was the $300 car seat really necessary?

So its no secret that this mama needs a vacation. I work too much, I sleep too little, I run on stress & rarely get a chance to kick back and relax. Its just part of being a small business owner, a single mom, and well... a Leo. If life isn't a challenge then it isn't fun! Right!? Well I've been bugging the boy for months about a getaway. "Just take me somewhere... let's sleep til noon and not work, and stuff ourselves with good food, and take naps and read books... you know, all those things we don't get to do otherwise!" And try as he might, scheduling always gets the best of us. With 4 kids between us, its just been impossible to work out. We always have 1 night a week in which we're both kidless for a few hours but by the time that night gets here, we're usually just content with pajama pants & DVDs. I'm as guilty of it as he is, always turning on my computer the second we get a chance to "rest" because there's always work to be done...


Date Night

Well this week we had a real bona-fide date. Dinner at Hugo's- our favorite date night spot, and Rodgers & Hammerstein's South Pacific at the Walton Arts Center. Now let me pause to thank this boy of mine for not only re-arranging his schedule so that we could do this, but let's be honest... showtunes don't really rank the highest on the "perfect man date" scale.


He didn't scoff at my choice of dates, in fact when I told him I got a ticket from the Walton Arts Center as part of a blog contest, he was very proud. He even put on a nice jacket, toted my tookus all over downtown, and opened doors for me all night. Though he wasn't singing along with me during the show, he's been breaking into a very over-zealous version of "some enchanted evening..." randomly since Intermission. I think that means he maybe dug it a little.


Mat wasn't familiar with the story, but I have loved it since I was a child. My mom, always the entertainer, was a choir director & choreographer when I was a child. This meant a lot of REALLY lame dance routines to go along with youth choir songs about loving your friends & trusting Jesus, I mean like serious jazz-hands kind of stuff... but it also meant some really fun and hilarious performances too. The most memorable one being the Honey Bun skit enacted by a group of high school seniors when I was 5 or 6. Its one of my fondest childhood memories, seeing my mom laugh and dance along with all of these kids... We grew up watching the movie and I've seen a couple of small theater productions, but wow- Last night was completely amazing.


Reading up on the show, the Lincoln Center's production won 7 honors at the 2008 Tony Awards, and I can believe it. It was incredible, it most definitely rose above all of my expectations. The characters could not have been more perfect, from Nelly's fantastic Arkansas accent (which the crowd of course LOVED!) to Bloody Mary's "stingy bastard!" and Billis' "Twirly Whirly" hips, it was just totally right.


Keala Settle as "Bloody Mary"
photo by Peter Coombs (taken from southpacificontour.com)


My favorite part of the show though was actually watching the woman in front of me... About 75-80 years young, she caught my eye because she reminded me of my Gram... beautiful, dressed very nicely with her hair perfectly curled, sitting with her daughter. She was obviously very excited about seeing the show and as it went on you could tell she was really enjoying it. Towards the end, she was singing along with every song. The smile on her face was just as big as springtime. She was 100% in the music, in the story... nowhere near Fayetteville Arkansas for the night. It was fantastic to watch. That escape, getting lost in the show... that's what its all about, isn't it?


I couldn't help but look over and smile at my boy. Maybe the vacation wasn't panning out like we hoped, but we certainly had an absolutely lovely night together. The music, the show, the dinner, the walk up Dickson Street... it was all just different. It was relaxation and excitement all wrapped into a completely unique experience for both of us. I'll spare you all cliche mentions of enchanted evenings, but I bet you can all guess what I'm humming today...

<3

My friend Mary wants to lose 150 pounds.



Its a big job, and its so damn hard to do even with the full support of everyone in your life. Its making different choices, staying consistent, and re-training your brain to recognize the difference between unhealthy habits and actual hunger. In a society where fast food is more readily available than fresh food, its so difficult to find a balance between eating well and eating realistically.

Mary is a mother of 3, she shapes her day around her kiddos, her husband, her family, and her close friends. She commits herself to making a happy home, kissing boo-boos, and trying to keep up with mountains of laundry. She's remarkable though because I have honestly never seen this woman not smiling, in the 5+ years I've known her I have never seen her cry, or frown, or mope. She is just a ray of sunshine all the time. Through financial difficulty, through the ups and downs of marriage, child-rearing, exhaustion... she's always got something positive to say.



When I lost my 100 pounds, Mary was a constant force in my life. She was the most encouraging friend I had all. the. time. Now women, none of us want to admit this but we all hate to see our friends get skinnier than us. There's something within all of us that makes us go "wait, she looks better than me! well crap." We're all guilty of it, its just part of having a vagina. None of us can deny that, we've all felt it at some point. Over the years, she has never neglected to tell me how wonderful I looked every time I saw her. She never distanced herself from me or made catty remarks... she was 100% supportive always.

She's been trying to lose 150 pounds for a while now. She's lost and gained, and lost again, but she fights what every person does... its just hard, its even harder when you add a family and a full schedule, and its nearly impossible when you're a mama who dedicates every bit of your life to your family and your kids. If Mary is guilty of anything, its neglecting herself. She wants to be on the Biggest Loser. So far she's been to 2 casting calls and she's trying to garner support on the internet. If anyone deserves an opportunity to focus solely on herself, it is her because I guarantee that if you gave someone so determined and committed the tools to improve her life, she would absolutely soar.



So with that said, support my friend Mary. She absolutely deserves it.


Post this button on your blog to support Mary

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Good luck, mama! You are wonderful, beautiful, and you deserve this. I'm behind you all the way.

I walked in the bathroom to check on my 3 year old this weekend and she looked up at me and said "The fucking bugs are back!"

!!!!!!

"The what?"

"Um, the bugs... are back."

"The WHAT bugs are back?"

"Fucking."

"We don't EVER say that word, little miss. Where in the world did you hear that word!?!?!"
(Please say daddy, please say daddy, please say daddy)

"The Little People"

"...The little people told you that word?"

Matter-of-factly: "Yes"




Which one of you did this? WHICH ONE!?!?! I demand someone tell me right now!!!


I lost it, totally laughed. I should've pulled out the bar of soap right then and laid down the law... but oh my god. The little people told her to say "fuck" !?!?! How do kids come up with this stuff? I mean, let's be honest here... she could've very well blamed me, but being the precious and intelligent child she is, she was gracious enough to not only lay the blame elsewhere, but to make me laugh at the same time! She's got me figured out already, I'm telling you.




This is my favorite shirt ever. It pretty much describes exactly how I feel about my hometown. Come on and try to tell me you don't love this shirt, or Fayetteville for that matter... even if you've never been here, it just screams me, right!?! Right.

Anyhow, I don't own it because I'm a respectable member of society and a mother and I can't very well go around wearing shirts that curse at people. Actually, none of that is true... I basically just haven't dropped $15 on it yet, and that's a damn shame.

But you know what- you won't have that problem.

Tell me your favorite "oops!" moment in the comments... either as a parent or a child.

I want to hear some juicy stories... Bad words, accidental walk-ins, the whole 9 yards. Did you (or your parents) lose it? Did you get your mouth washed out with soap or your hands smacked?

Tell me stories, best one wins free stuff from Rock City Outfitters, maker of this and many other lovely shirts.


...and GO!


*no guarantee of which shirt, just be a very happy little cupcake with whatever lovely gift you get, deal? though if you tell me in the comments which shirt is your favorite, i'll pass that along to the t-shirt fairies and we'll see if they can make it happen. fairies, like cursing toddlers, can be very gracious at times as well.

*comment link is up top. or click {here}

Here are Marti Pearl's cupcakes. 24 strawberry-on-strawberry with rainbow sprinkles, a job my very precious nearly 3 year old took quite seriously, sprinkling 3-4 at a time, which left her adorable little hands color-speckled and sticky. She loves to bake, so much so that she asks to make cookies or cupcakes every. single. night. And she's great at it! For a child her age, she has an amazing understanding of what it takes to make the food we eat, and I'm so proud of that.

This morning we marched in proudly carrying the cupcakes, and all she could say over and over again was "I made cupcakes!" When her teachers saw us, they immediately frowned. No homemade cupcakes allowed, only store bought.

Seriously?

I mean, I get it... I really do, no one wants to get sued. There are bad people in this world that do terrible things, we're all hyper-sensitive and no one wants to do the wrong thing here... but its a goddamned cupcake.

What happened to the days of bake sales and potlucks? Its not like they were that long ago, I remember the days before Pepsi-sponsored elementary schools when bake sales were how we made money. My mom and I would make my grandfather's "hurry up" peanut butter cake, then sit out in lawn chairs overlooking tables and tables of delicious treats. This is one of those "pinnacle of childhood" kind of moments: the first moment I lusted. And don't you dare knock it, lust has gotten me far in life.

I'm Methodist- I've got potluck casserole in my veins. My grandfather always has the same response when I ask him "Grandaddy, what's so different about Methodists and Baptists?" "Methodists have better potlucks". Do we still potluck like we used to? Are we all really that worried about how clean our friends & neighbors kitchens are? Worried that someone would rat poison the broccoli cheese casserole? Have we just gone that nuts?

I, for one, am not impressed. And I have a feeling that when 2:30 rolls around and my daughter sees those damn chocolate frosted cupcakes I hurriedly dropped $30 on at the bakery this morning, she's going to be very disappointed. Are we so worried about liability that we've stopped appreciating the little things that made us who we were? What does that mean for our children? What about the kids who have never had the pleasure of eating a homemade cupcake? What about the parents who don't have the cash to spend on birthday treats for a school that demands uniformity?

Why can't we all just eat some fucking cupcakes and be happy?

I haven't posted in a coon's age. Want to know why?

I'm working myself to death, y'all. I'm in such desperate need of a vacation that I don't know what to do with myself. I love what I do, and I feel so very thankful that for the first time since I started my business in 2006 (www.lushinnovative.com) I am completely covered up with work. Its an incredible feeling, to know that I'm finally making a living doing what I love, and that people recognize that I'm really pretty damn good at it!


When I started my company it was because I had no other option. Pregnant and jobless I turned to the one career I avoided like the plague, growing up with a family of designers I never considered graphic design art... I wouldn't ever "sell out" like that. Blah blah blah, whatevs. I was silly, and now I am a fantastic graphic designer who totally kicks ass and takes names on a regular basis. Its a life, and I really do love it. I work from wherever I want, whenever I want. My very favorite part is getting to create all day long. I help shape businesses and directly contribute to other people's success and there's no better feeling. It is wonderful.

You know what's not wonderful, though? Not being able to consistently provide the security for my family that we honestly need. I'm at the point where I have to honestly look at my life and say "is it more important to own my own business, to be my own boss... or to make a good living and live with less stress?" I'm just so tired of working all day long, just to come home and work all night. 12-16 hour days are completely normal. Everyday I long for the opportunity to sit and not work, to actually relax and not feel guilty for it.


Perhaps its because I'm overwhelmed, or because I haven't had a vacation in over a year, or because I'm exhausted... but I'm feeling a big need to make a change. Being a single mama and owning a small business is an amazing feat, and I'm so proud that I've made this work, but I have to wonder what our quality of life would be if the constant stress over finances eased just a bit.