Keep your words sweet -- you may have to eat them. -Stephan Grellet

Sometimes we all say a bit too much. At times, with burning cheeks and butterflies in one's tummy, we realize we've said things best left unsaid.


When love is not madness, it is not love.
-Pedro Calderon de la Barca

I changed my "relationship status" on Facebook this week. A simple action, but lordy be! what a response! I had emails, comments, text messages... all wondering who, when, what!? I laughed, amazed at how curious everyone was... but one email struck me. A good friend asked "Seriously? YOU are in a relationship, and you're admitting it for all of Facebook to see? This guy must be something special, that's a big step for you!" For me- What did she mean!? I talk about my vagina on Twitter, its not like I'm a private person at all! And was it really a big step? I mean, its just the internet for christ sakes... but the more I thought about it, the bigger it seemed. I had officially taken myself off the market. Whoa. Maybe I hadn't thought this through...

You see, its all quite complicated. I started dating following my separation, completely opposed to the idea of a serious relationship. I was determined to date and enjoy the single life completely. There were a few boys I spent more time with, but all ended up being rather disappointing. There was the "your only problem is that you're a mom" dude, the flaky artsy boy who drank, the total liar, then the highly motivated yet indecisive boy who I regrettably got in over my head with, (at which point he promptly skeedaddled) who left me wondering wtf I was doing to myself. After that, I had to stop... I quit dating and started focusing on figuring out what I wanted.

I'd previously said "single moms just want to have fun" which I still think is reasonable, but its a temporary thing. Single moms, just like all ladies, get to a point where they're ready and I was there. I was tired of crying over guys who weren't even thinking about me, and I decided it wouldn't happen anymore. I started focusing on changing: on being a more confident, beautiful, well-mannered lady, someone any guy would want to be with. Then I realized that was a giant crock of shit. I am confident, very beautiful, and well... my manners are intact but honesty and frankness have gotten me this far.



I was ready, I was worthy, and I was downright lonely. Take Your Kids to Dickson came along, and I spent a month working insane hours preparing for the most successful thing I've ever done. I was humbled, looking out over the crowds... seeing so many families there enjoying everything we'd planned. I knew I'd accomplished something incredible, and I was so proud. Thousands of people, but as I walked up the street with my daughter I couldn't have felt more alone. She and I were there together, watching the families... moms, dads, kids, and my eyes welled up with tears. I wasn't giving her the life I wanted for her... for us. I was trying, but it all seemed farther away than I was comfortable with.

I found myself a little freaked out, knowing what I wanted gave everything a different feel. I knew I couldn't settle, something I'd been doing every time since I started dating. I knew I wanted to be in love, I was tired of worrying about whether I was coming on too strong, counting rings before I could answer my phone, none of that made sense to me anyhow. As a grown woman with a child, I simply couldn't play games like a normal 25 year old. I was so disappointed with my dating experiences, but when considering who I'd been seeing was it any wonder? I wasn't dating a man because I wanted to fall in love and build a lasting relationship, I was dating because I wanted to be appreciated for more than my sidewalk chalk, project management, design and diaper changing skills. As a hard-working single mom, I just wanted to not have to figure out what I wanted.

Luckily, that worked out pretty well. I met the boy professionally a while back, a simple meeting to discuss a potential project. We wound up sitting around talking about divorce, kids, dating, our families, side projects... we both remarked later about how strangely comfortable we were talking to each other, though he teased me for being so nervous. I didn't bid on the project, and we continued talking often. Neither of us intended for things to develop and when they did, the timing couldn't have been more wrong. They say though that when you stop looking it finds you... and that's definitely the case here.



I sat watching TV after bean girl had gone to bed last night, and Jerry Maguire came on. I never understood why my mom always cried when she watched that movie until now. As a single mom, everything is different. I realized just what I'd been doing wrong: the silly games that go along with dating just don't fly with us. We expect more, we want and need love in a way that non-mamas just don't, and I didn't fully understand that when I was trying to force relationships with boys with no desire to actually get involved. Single mamas fall hard, when we realize its there we are fully involved. I realized that what I've been feeling is a very different kind of lonely than I'd ever known, and I was wearing my Brave-Little-Toaster-pants hoping not to get hurt but failing at it. I wanted a boy to understand and appreciate all of me, and I wanted to feel comfortable sharing that.



I'm fully involved, and I'm thrilled about it. Taking myself off the market wasn't as difficult as I'd imagined when I met someone who caught my attention and kept it. A dad himself, he understood from the start what I wanted and needed (even when I didn't). In not trying to say the right things, he won me over completely with an honesty and frankness I'd craved without realizing. It comes as no surprise to any of you that I'm an open book. I put everything on the line, take it or leave it there I am. I opened myself up and for the first time didn't fight the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach saying "this isn't a good idea, mama" I wanted this, and he did too. With that comes a certain air of caution, for ourselves, our hearts, our kids... was it safe to give into the excitement of something that seemed so... genuine? Its a strange time for both of us, so we initially resisted the idea of starting a relationship, but things have developed naturally despite our hesitation, and here we are.

So here I am, admitting that I'm nuts about a boy and for once, I am so fully appreciated, just as I am. Imperfect and impulsive, bossy and idealistic, he looks at me with a sense of wonder.

Thank you for that, mister.




Also, a huge thank you to Ms. Single Mama who works so hard to provide support and insight. Reading about your love with John Bear is inspiring and exciting. Congratulations, lady. Thank you for helping us sort out all of this crazy dating stuff and allowing us to peek in on your life, you are incredible.
You want to see what the boy is doing right? Here's a good list from Ms. Single Mama herself:
How to Date a Single Mom

Today is a big day.

8 years ago, on June 27, 2001, I was raped. It was an unimaginable nightmare physically and emotionally that I spent years recovering from. Last year I spent this day rejoicing because I was able to against all odds have a beautiful, healthy, textbook pregnancy and have an incredible daughter to show for it... something that I was told at a tender age wouldn't be a possibility because of the damage caused that horrible night. I was in a bad place last year though... my marriage was falling to pieces, I was just officially starting my design firm, and I had just finished remodeling my house. I was stressed, exhausted emotionally and physically, and I spent this day crying. I sat for hours watching Marti Pearl sleep thinking about how lucky I was despite what I'd been through, and I resolved never to do that again.

In fact, it was the first year that I actually cried... every other year I was entirely too busy celebrating. In 2002, I had just graduated from high school. I had great friends who were very concerned about me, knowing the first anniversary of the rape would be difficult. They picked me up from my house, and threw me a lovely surprise party complete with a bonfire, copious amounts of alcohol (not that I endorse underage drinking of course!) and lots of dancing. It became my very favorite tradition... an unconventional one, but what's common about this mama anyhow?

I've gone on trips, thrown dinner parties, had sleepovers, and each time I've eaten too many cupcakes and completely enjoyed myself. I love celebrating this day because it makes something that was in every way negative a very positive thing. I celebrate because I made it through, because it didn't break me. I celebrate because when I had Marti Pearl I was able to overcome this in the greatest way. This day reminds me that I am strong... much stronger than I normally give myself credit for.

Tonight I'll be celebrating. Two of my favorite bands, Cletus Got Shot & Damn Bullets (my clients, I just finished their website today!) will be playing at my favorite bar The Smoke & Barrel Tavern, which my friends and family jokingly call my office. I spend all of my baby-free time there working (free wireless, air conditioning, and cheap drinks!) or dancing... tonight I'll definitely be dancing. The three owners are so near to my heart, and the timing of tonight's show couldn't possibly be more perfect. Thank you boys, for tonight. There's nowhere else I'd rather be.

If you see me out tonight give me a hug. We'll toast to 8 years of kicking ass, taking names, and being healthy, happy, and strong.

Also, a side note: did you know that Mayor Jordan proclaimed June 27th Gay Pride day in Fayeteville, AR? He's a good man and an excellent mayor. I'm thrilled to know him. I spent a few hours at the pride picnic promoting The Lighter Side and handing out rainbow popsicles... a wonderful way to spend the day. Thanks to the NWA Center for Equality for giving me an excellent reason to celebrate this day all day long.

Take Your Kids to Dickson was a huge success. An event that went together in about 4 weeks as a response to some negative publicity turned into one of the most fun things I've ever done. A solid month of 80+ hour weeks and neglecting my (money-making) business proved to be well worth all of our hard work. In the process, I got much closer with one of my good friends, made some new ones, and met lots of people I really enjoy being around. We're already starting planning of our next event, and plan to do lots more of that in the near future. Personally and professionally, this was a huge achievement. I'm thrilled with all of it!



I give advice now! I know, everyone's shocked- right!? Some good friends came to me when they started their online magazine and asked if I'd contribute... I was thrilled to jump in, and have had lots of fun with it so far.
Read Cattywampus




In other work-related news, have you seen all the new stuff I've been doing?
Bella Vita Jewelry
Damn Bullets
and I'll be finishing up a couple more sites this week... Needless to say, work is fantastic.




Marti Pearl and her dad went to Kansas City to visit his dad & half-sisters this weekend... it was a wonderful trip for them, and a great mama-break for me. Marti Pearl got to meet her aunts & grandpa for the first time, and had lots of fun with her cousins. I danced barefoot with my mama to one of my favorite bands, had margaritas at lunchtime with one of my best friends, and feng shui-ed my apartment. I feel well-rested and officially recovered from TYK2D.



Lots I've missed out on recently, I'll start catching up quick! Promise!

I'm so sorry I've been neglecting you guys!! Preparation for Take Your Kids to Dickson has taken up all of my time, and we're almost there!!

In the meantime, my very good friend One Smarmy Mama agreed to guest blog for me, so without further ado... enjoy, kids!


Heather is one of my favorite people, so when she asked me to guest blog for her today, I was stuttering and stammering for just the perfect post to fill her space. What would be important and earth shattering? What would thoughtfully and eloquently fill her lovely blog for a day? What OH WHAT is worth of putting on momuncommon?

There are a lot of things that are important to me, many issues that are near and dear to my heart. But it wasn't until I was contemplating this while on the pot after lunch that it hit me....I needed to write about an issue that is afflicting children all over the country. An issue we simply cannot ignore anymore.

The infliction of crappy music on our children.


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When I was a wee child, I was blessed with an musician father who had, for the most part, superb taste in music. I was raised on all things Beatles/Wings/Macca (natch) but also was exposed to Boston, The Eagles and The Beach Boys as well as then unknowns like T Bone Burnett and Tonio K.

My dad would make me sit and listen to particularly amazing instrumentations while 12 year old me rolled my eyes and groaned. It wasn't until I was a bona fide grown up that I realized what a freaking awesome musical education I had been raised with.

And so, today, in an age of T Paine and Flo Rida and TPDs and 3 year olds dancing on YouTube to Beyonce, I say this to you, my fellow parents...Stop The Insanity! I know it's cute when your little one sings along with Taylor Swift in the car, but this is almost downright abuse. These poor children are being raised on the musical equivalent of Hostess Cupcakes and Wonderbread. Let's give them some musical health food...you know, the gooood stuff that is tasty and good for you too.

So, my friends, I present to you..........
The Ten Albums/Artists You MUST Expose Your Children To Before They Start Ignoring You.


1. Pearl Jam - Ten

The grunge era brought us out of crappy pap pop music and bad boy bands and back into real musicianship, insightful lyrics, and concerts that were practically spiritual events. I personally find Eddie and crew to be a little bit more appropriate and palatable for the kids than Kurt, but that's just me. Pick one and make sure your kids know them and love them.


2. They Might Be Giants - Flood

Many followed in their footsteps, but John and John pioneered geek rock and made it an art form. I mean, come on...."Particle Man"??? "Istanbul (not Constantinople)"??? CLASSICS. When our kids are in high school, the cool ones are gonna be rocking "Birdhouse in Your Soul". You know it.


3. Semisonic - Closing Time

Let's face it, our kids are going to hear "Closing Time" a million times on classic radio when they are teens, let's show them why it was so much more than a one-hit-wonder song. If you've never heard this album in it's entirety, shame on you! It's pure pop perfection. Evocative, sentimental lyrics, sweet and clean guitars, crisp, peppy drums. The entire album is just simply adorable, and enjoyable listen from start to finish and makes you realize these guys were more than just "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here".


4. Elliott Smith - XO

Before "shoegaze" there was Elliott. The kind of music Elliott Smith produced could easily take a minuscule step to the side and be contrived crap. But his songs are haunting and beautiful, his voice both wistful and so incredibly real. His talent and impact on a whole new generation of sad bastard music is unquestionable, and you know when our kids talk about famous rock and roll legends, his death will top the list. Do your kids a favor and let them know that Elliott Smith was more than a dude who maybe stabbed himself with a steak knife.


5. Ryan Adams - Heartbreaker


No child's musical education would be complete without a lesson in Alt Country. And, it was a little tough to pick what the best representation would be. I think Ryan is it. When you introduce your kids to Ryan, you introduce them to Whiskeytown, and well, that opens up a whole range of artists. This album is so good, it hurts to listen to it sometimes. You get lessons in blues, country, rock........and it's so so good. And, Ryan is such an interesting character, I'm sure he's going to be making crazy headlines well into the next couple of decades.


6. Stankonia - Outkast

Our kids are going to want to know what the heck was up with all the hip hop and rap and R&B when we were young, so show them something decent, for pete's sake. Outkast is what it's about...writing about real issues, rapping with real talent. None of this effing auto-tune crap, talking about ladies underpants and sh*t like that. Now, there are definitely things on here that aren't appropriate for younger kids, but may get you having some good conversations with your older kids. Good, timeless album.


7. Death Cab for Cutie - Plans

Let's face it. One day, you're going to have to explain "hipsters" to your children. Wait till they are about 14, put on Plans, and I think they'll get it. Death Cab pretty much have defined a genre and era right now and, for that, they do deserve some props. (Oh yeah, and you're going to have to explain "props" and then get eye rolls when you do).


8. Oasis - What's The Story Morning Glory

One of the most important, significant influences on American music is British music and one of the best influences on American pop music in the 90's was Brit-Pop. There are probably a dozen bands that are suitable to share with your kids, I picked Oasis because they are accessible and, much like Semisonic above, you KNOW they are going to hear the HECK out of "Wonderwall" on classic radio someday. If that is all they ever learn of the most pompas band in the world, it would be a true shame.


9. Green Day - Dookie

Ok, the subject matter is questionable for little kids, so I'll let you substitute American Idiot if you must. But Green Day made it cool to be punk while still remaining punk. Your kids are gonna want to know about punk. We didn't start it, and we can't claim it. Luckily, though, we have one of punks greatest sons in OUR generation.


10. U2 - Joshua Tree

DUH! The beginning of it all, kids. U2 is to our generation what the Beatles were to our parents generation. As self-important as Bono has become, it shouldn't take away from that pure genius musicianship, lyrics, and art that comes from these guys. Your kid wants to learn to rock? Slap on Joshua Tree and school them.


And there you have it, friends. Now go, dig out these CDs and play them in the car on the way to school. In 20 years, I promise, your kids will thank you.

I have totally neglected you guys. So sorry about that... its been a crazy couple of weeks, planning events and working hard has been fun but pretty exhausting. Free time is a thing of the past... I miss it!

Anyhow, I just want to link to an incredibly well written blog this morning. Writing on late-term abortion is difficult to say the least, but this was done with grace, tact, and respect... This needs to be said, but more importantly needs to be heard.

Sex ed won’t make this go away. Contraception won’t make this go away. Looking after babies won’t make this go away. And making women travel halfway across a country away from support networks and stay in hotels while life-threateningly ill, and then have to run the gamut of harassers and gun-wielders? This. is. not. OK.

Glad that's settled.

(Thanks, Maegan!)