Home. Improvement.

Marti Pearl and I moved into our home in August. I painted every room, and its absolutely beautiful now! For the first time, my little girl and I have a home of our own that is completely "us" ...Marti Pearl's room with the chalkboard walls, the "princess" bed, my room with the dark blue walls, the bright red dresser... its just perfect.

As a parent, I feel thrilled that I can provide this for my daughter. As a single mama, I feel thankful to the people who have made it possible. People who love us and care for us more than they even do themselves. When one of my closest friends told me that her parents would let us rent this place, I cried. The time could not have been more right. They've been such an amazing support to us. To have a home I take pride in, that I can pay for myself is so very important. They are making it possible for me to succeed, and they're giving me more freedom than I've ever expected.

I am so very blessed.

I am an addict. (There, I said it.)

Its taken me a very long time to come to this point... but I have a problem and need to admit it openly.

I've been under a lot of criticism lately from certain people in my life, and its really caused me to look at my behaviors, my habits... and I'm not thrilled with what I've found. As an old friend used to say "It's hard enough writing down your faults, harder yet to proof-read them." Its taken quite a while, but I have... here goes nothing.

I am an addict.

My dad says addicts should write letters to their addictions to fully realize them... so I've done just that.

I'm writing you this letter because I have to take responsibility and move on. You are my crutch, my friend when I'm alone... I bring to you my worries and doubts, my celebrations and smiles. You encourage me to share my confessions and secrets, you're always there waiting on me.

You and I have all sorts of fun together. We know all the same people, and god... all my friends just love you. You have the ability to liven up a party or hell, make one out of nothing! You make me everyone's favorite girl... more confident, charming, and funnier than I really am. I can't even imagine a social gathering without you... it just wouldn't feel right.

I've given you up before... walked away because everyone said I needed to. They recognized my problem before I ever did... and now that I have, well... here we are. I know I can't give you up for good. I could never do that... but you can't be in the forefront of my life any longer. I've got to start living. Its with much regret I admit I haven't done as much of that as I should... I've just been too concerned with my relationship with you for too long.

You'll still see me around. I've just got to have some adventures of my own... without you, Twitter.

I'll always love you.

I really am addicted to twitter.

I tweet at the grocery store, on the toilet, at work, at home, from my bed, from my boyfriend's bed... its gotta stop.
Its not that I feel like its impacting the quality of my life (denial: it aint just a river, kids!) I just feel like its gotten a little ridiculous. There is not one of my 600 followers who cares a bit about what I ate for breakfast, what new hair product I spent too much money on at Walgreens, cupcake deliveries, my pizza-related tummy issues, or how productive my Friday was. Not a damn one of 'em. You know who does care, though? The few people who use twitter to keep tabs on me.

Self-important as it may be, there are people who are interested in everything I have to say because they're waiting to criticize it. Those people are reading this right now (hey girl, hey!) and becoming more private won't stop them from checking on me... but it certainly will give them less to work with. When I've criticized The Duggars in the past, its been for opening their family up to the whole world, then I've gone and done the same thing.

From October, 2008:
We're emotionally invested in their situation as if we actually know them, because on some level we all do. My good friend Rachael M. made a very important point, which I feel like not enough of us are actually considering.... they have opened themselves up to criticism by inviting TV cameras into their lives.

If you give a mouse a cookie...

I open up too much, always have. I will talk about any and everything with just about anyone. Its one of my beautiful faults and though I recognize it as a weakness, I'm not ashamed of it. Its what draws people to me, and I hope it never changes. What I do need to change is the manner in which I communicate. Its so easy to do everything digitally nowadays, It went from emails replacing letter writing to Twitter replacing happy hour. I've replaced so much of my social interaction with a cell phone/computer that its really quite embarrassing.

My relationship with Twitter is more real than some of my friendships. This. Is. A. PROBLEM. Is it better to have 600 people emotionally invested in my life, or close relationships with 6 people? My close friends are amazing, and I wonder... am I as good a friend as I can be to them? Am I too busy live-tweeting our hangouts to fully engage?

So henceforth, less @gerlaugh, more face-to-face.

I'll always love you Twitter, but we need to start seeing other people.