I am an addict. (There, I said it.)

Its taken me a very long time to come to this point... but I have a problem and need to admit it openly.

I've been under a lot of criticism lately from certain people in my life, and its really caused me to look at my behaviors, my habits... and I'm not thrilled with what I've found. As an old friend used to say "It's hard enough writing down your faults, harder yet to proof-read them." Its taken quite a while, but I have... here goes nothing.

I am an addict.

My dad says addicts should write letters to their addictions to fully realize them... so I've done just that.

I'm writing you this letter because I have to take responsibility and move on. You are my crutch, my friend when I'm alone... I bring to you my worries and doubts, my celebrations and smiles. You encourage me to share my confessions and secrets, you're always there waiting on me.

You and I have all sorts of fun together. We know all the same people, and god... all my friends just love you. You have the ability to liven up a party or hell, make one out of nothing! You make me everyone's favorite girl... more confident, charming, and funnier than I really am. I can't even imagine a social gathering without you... it just wouldn't feel right.

I've given you up before... walked away because everyone said I needed to. They recognized my problem before I ever did... and now that I have, well... here we are. I know I can't give you up for good. I could never do that... but you can't be in the forefront of my life any longer. I've got to start living. Its with much regret I admit I haven't done as much of that as I should... I've just been too concerned with my relationship with you for too long.

You'll still see me around. I've just got to have some adventures of my own... without you, Twitter.

I'll always love you.

I really am addicted to twitter.

I tweet at the grocery store, on the toilet, at work, at home, from my bed, from my boyfriend's bed... its gotta stop.
Its not that I feel like its impacting the quality of my life (denial: it aint just a river, kids!) I just feel like its gotten a little ridiculous. There is not one of my 600 followers who cares a bit about what I ate for breakfast, what new hair product I spent too much money on at Walgreens, cupcake deliveries, my pizza-related tummy issues, or how productive my Friday was. Not a damn one of 'em. You know who does care, though? The few people who use twitter to keep tabs on me.

Self-important as it may be, there are people who are interested in everything I have to say because they're waiting to criticize it. Those people are reading this right now (hey girl, hey!) and becoming more private won't stop them from checking on me... but it certainly will give them less to work with. When I've criticized The Duggars in the past, its been for opening their family up to the whole world, then I've gone and done the same thing.

From October, 2008:
We're emotionally invested in their situation as if we actually know them, because on some level we all do. My good friend Rachael M. made a very important point, which I feel like not enough of us are actually considering.... they have opened themselves up to criticism by inviting TV cameras into their lives.

If you give a mouse a cookie...

I open up too much, always have. I will talk about any and everything with just about anyone. Its one of my beautiful faults and though I recognize it as a weakness, I'm not ashamed of it. Its what draws people to me, and I hope it never changes. What I do need to change is the manner in which I communicate. Its so easy to do everything digitally nowadays, It went from emails replacing letter writing to Twitter replacing happy hour. I've replaced so much of my social interaction with a cell phone/computer that its really quite embarrassing.

My relationship with Twitter is more real than some of my friendships. This. Is. A. PROBLEM. Is it better to have 600 people emotionally invested in my life, or close relationships with 6 people? My close friends are amazing, and I wonder... am I as good a friend as I can be to them? Am I too busy live-tweeting our hangouts to fully engage?

So henceforth, less @gerlaugh, more face-to-face.

I'll always love you Twitter, but we need to start seeing other people.


January 13, 2010 at 9:31 AM jacey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
January 13, 2010 at 9:35 AM jacey said...

HA! I followz u, but cause I care. Hey, girl, hey!

January 13, 2010 at 10:11 AM mama-lama-ding-dong said...

You followz me, because you are my best friend! Same with my mama, she follows me with good intentions as well. :)

January 13, 2010 at 10:19 AM Travis Williams said...

I am right there with you. Lizzy and I had a huge "discussion" about this last week.

I used twitter way too much without even realizing it. I have since deleted every tweet from my account and deactivated it so that I am not tempted. I may get back in the game one day but right now it is time to social network in person with those that mean the most to me.

Good luck!

January 13, 2010 at 10:27 AM Callie said...

When my phone was broken for 5 days I really thought it would be an awful separation. After getting the new phone I noticed that I had to make a conscious effort to get back to tweeting.
Also, I think you are an amazing woman who juggles the life "stuff" beautifully. You take the high road every time. Which is fine, the rest of us will take the evil-doers to the carpet on your behalf (hey girl, hey!).
Much, much love to you, my friend.

January 13, 2010 at 11:18 AM Sara Elizabeth said...

This post is a little funny, but also really speaks to what social media does to people. It is highly addictive, and it worries me sometimes when I see women with children spending every second of every day on their blog, twitter, myspace, and facebook.

January 17, 2010 at 7:15 AM Kristin...though some still call me Dott... said...

i just deleted my twitter this past week. no one cares about what i'm tweeting about, and the few people who might genuinely care- i can talk to them face to face or on the phone if they aren't local to me. mainly it was really eating up my time reading everyone else's tweets. do i really care if 30 people are having a hard time waking up one morning? not really.

honestly i'd like to get rid of my facebook as well because it eats so freaking much of my time. i miss livejournal. i miss REAL posts from people instead of just status updates. and like you said, i want to really engage when i'm out with my kids or out with my friends instead of merely being physically pressent and tweeting/blogging about it. honestly, i find it incredibly rude when people check their facebook/twitter while you are hanging out with them. it sends a message that you aren't important enough for them to give you their full attention.

January 21, 2010 at 1:17 PM Anonymous said...

I'm about ready to fly you out here to fix up my place.

February 7, 2010 at 4:24 PM April Brown said...

OMG Please post your house on Saucy Dwellings at livejournal!