All we needed was matching pajamas.

The boyfriend and I have been in a funk.

I don't know if its growing pains, or if perhaps we're just finally settling in with one another and becoming comfortable with our place in each other's lives, but there's been a lull in the lovins.

This is a very different relationship than any I've ever been in though... for the first time, I feel as if I am with an absolute equal. Instead of chasing or being chased, I'm just enjoying his company, and reveling in the fact that I am so very much in love with someone who is so perfectly suited for me. Emotionally, mentally, physically (hubba hubba) I've found my match. Its passion and love and mutual support and understanding... pretty much everything I could ask for.

So why the funk? Well, I just don't know.

I don't mean that I don't very much love him, because I really do. And I know he's very much in love with me too, but we're both very busy and that's started to take its toll. He's a dad to 3 kids who take up a majority of his time and I'm a mama that spends a majority of hers with Miss Bean and work. When we're not working and being parents... we're doing laundry and you know, bathing, sleeping, eating, etc. There's just not much time for he and I to just enjoy being a couple. I could easily count on two hands the amount of times we've been out on dates, and its really not that we don't want to go out, we just can't ever get motivated at the same time.

"we're in love, everybody knows about it, now what?"

We're no longer a "new" couple. We've met each other's friends and families, our Facebook relationship status tells the internet that we are officially in a relationship, and our kids are spending lots of time together. We're fully invested and we're both thrilled about it, but what happens now? We share the fear of growing bored, both being through a divorce, we can't afford to assume that we know what we're doing is the right thing... Luckily, I think it gives us the advantage of knowing what we want and need and being comfortable communicating it. I can easily say this is the happiest I've ever been, but how do I keep it this way?

My grandparents are a lovely couple that have been married for nearly 60 years. That's an amazing amount of years already, but after spending a holiday with them I assure you... you'd be completely boggled as to how they haven't killed each other by now. They don't fight or yell or get angry, but they easily spend half their day bickering. Over everything and nothing at the same time, they are the two most stubborn people I've ever met. My grandmother will tell you the secret to a long marriage is finding someone you can argue with and I don't know that she's not completely right. She tells the story of being engaged prior to meeting my grandfather, to an absolutely boring man with loads of money. She would've been set for a life of luxury, but she left him for a one-armed preacher with a wild streak who absolutely irritated the crap out of her.

I used to think they were such unhappy people, what with all the little tiffs they'd get into over every little thing... but when my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer his love and passion for her was undeniable. He'd burst into tears at the drop of a hat, telling us how unbearable life would be without her. They live to bicker with each other.

My grandmother said she's never gone to bed mad at him, and I believe it. I don't know that she actually does ever get really, truly mad at him, but she sure does act like it. They are equal in their relationship... both playing antagonist or protagonist, depending on the moment. They constantly bicker about nothing because they're so damn passionate about loving each other... and good for them! At 75 my grandparents are madly in love with each other. So many couples can't say that at 25, 35, 45... much less after 4 kids! Its absolutely wonderful.

After a particularly rough week and long weekend apart, Mat and I found ourselves grumpy and doubting ourselves. I was upset with him for never wanting to get out of the house and do anything and he was upset with me for not just enjoying our time together, sans-kids, just hanging out. It was silly but after dealing with lots of stress all week, we let it elevate to a point where we were both even grumpier and more unhappy.

That was, until he brought out the matching pajamas.

Somehow he ended up with 2 pair of pajama pants. They're Christmas-y: red with green dots, and they're pretty darn big on me, but when he offered me some comfy pants and I saw there were 2 pair, I knew we were gonna be alright. Yes, that's right kids- I found a boy who willingly put on matching pajama pants and allowed pictures to be taken. This boy, he loves me a whole lot.

Sometimes all I need is the realization that I am loved and appreciated more than I've ever expected. I need a spontaneous expression of affection every now and again, and he's really good about providing that.

I don't know if bickering is the secret to a happy relationship, but I know that even though we've faced a tremendous amount of challenging situations since we've been together, I love this boy more than I ever dreamed I would. Obviously, he feels the same way. These things are tricky... especially when you add extremely time-consuming careers and kids. And who knows... i'll probably always have to work hard to convince him to go out and have fun after a long day, but this is going to work. We're just good together.

If it's good to complicate than both of us are doing fine
Just keep your eyes on your part and leave me alone to mine
If it's good to instigate than we're a fast horse, bet on us
I'm not calling you an animal
I think we just fight too much

Come on, in spite of this we're doing just fine
Even diamonds start as coal
Give us time to shine
Even diamonds start as coal

We're both aligned in framed of mind but circumstance has got us good
And now you're seeing a side of me I wished no one ever would
Yeah, if it's right to pick a fight, we're fingers in a sugar bowl
Love isn't perfect
Even diamonds start out as coal

Hey now, in spite of this we're doing just fine
Even diamonds start as coal
Give us time to shine
Even diamonds start as coal
Even diamonds start as coal
We're incomplete and infantine
Even diamonds start as coal

Give it time girl, the fire feels divine
The sweetest things
They burn before they shine
We think way too much
Look at us losing touch
A promise is a promise until...

Yeah, in spite of this we're doing just fine
Even diamonds start as coal
Give us time to shine
Even diamonds start as coal
Even diamonds start as cpaƶ
We're incomplete and infantine
Even diamonds start as coal


October 21, 2009 at 9:05 PM Desiree Fawn said...

I just found your blog again after a long while -- no idea if you remember me, but hi!

October 26, 2009 at 5:37 AM Melissa said...

Great stuff! Love the pjs..

I once read something about bickering and marriage. The main thing I remembered is something like this: if you are bickering then there is interest in one another... there is feeling and emotion and investment. On the other hand, if there is always silence and never talk, there is no feeling... there is no interest... there is no love. Yuo bicker because you care (sometimes) and want to be involved with the other person... otherwise, you would just be silent... so I think the bickering for your grandparents is definitely a hallmark of their solid, happy marriage (and they are adorable!).

Good luck with the boy! I can't imagine how tricky your relationship must be: trying to work out the logistics of dating and what-not. Good luck... it's all good as long as y'all are happy (and it sounds like you are)!