Ugly babies!?

There's really nothing worse in the world than an ugly baby... I mean, babies are supposed to be cute, cuddly little balls of joy... right? "Ugly baby" is an oxymoron in itself... except not. There are too many of the little buggers rolling, crawling, and toddling around right now to not believe its true. Ugly babies do exist, and its just down right wrong.

You have 3 categories of ugly babies, too. The first is the ugly baby belonging to the doting parents who would never think that their child is anything but a beautiful little creature they imagined for those 9 long months... I mean, they realize he's a little funny looking... sure his little nose is all squished, his eyes are just a tad crossed, and his head is still cone-shaped by the time he's mastered the art of crawling, but its just a phase... he'll grow in to it!

These are the parents who will inevitably send you 15,000 pictures of their little angel's 2 month photo shoot, where the kid really resembles a confused fur-challenged monkey.

The second category is the poor little guy whose parents realize the full extent of their kid's ugliness... but it can go two ways.

You've got the cool parents, who realizing it, play it off while hoping that kid will grow into his odd features... and hey, if he doesn't, at least he'll have a great sense of humor

But there are those parents, who realizing their adorable little sunshine princess sortof looks like a bulldog, put some serious work into making her look absolutely frilly every time she's out of the house... bows, ruffles, the works... the overcompensation is ridiculous, but you can't just cover a turd with chocolate and call it a treat.

The last group, and this is, in my opinion, the unluckiest of them all, are the kids whose parents are in complete and total denial that their kid is ugly... these are the kids that have it the worst because at some point in their lives they're going to see a baby picture and realize "damn! i was one ugly little kid!" and that sucks... every ugly baby should at least be a little prepared for it! We won't even go into the appearance of the parents on this one, just expect tons of pictures around Christmas time, and try your best not to show them off to friends and family like you're pointing out toothless carnys at the county fair... unfortunately, that's frowned upon no matter how crazy that kid looks.

The only good thing is that most ugly babies, at least the ones I've seen, don't go on to be ugly kids, or ugly adults... now I'm not saying that there aren't plenty of ugly people out there, it can definitely happen... but an ugly baby is not necessarily doomed... but what would I know? I've got very limited experience with such things... even covered in peaches my kid is freaking adorable...


February 15, 2008 at 3:37 PM Rachael M. said...

Um, hello model baby.

I am so scared - I am afraid that Ben and I will have some gimptarded looking baby. :-/

Personally, I was a beautiful baby, eliciting comments from every nurse who poked a needle in me at my first check up/innoculation.

Ben, on the other hand, looked at best mildly retarded as a baby, and then went on to exhibit many Opie Taylor-like qualities as a young child - crazy stick up hair, Dumbo sized ears, little crooked smile...

I can only hope that a meeting of the two will turn into something not horrid.

*is that mean?* LOL

September 21, 2009 at 8:25 PM mama-lama-ding-dong said...

mary peck, your kind of comments are simply not welcome here. you can take that inexcusably hateful elsewhere please and thank you!

September 22, 2009 at 5:37 AM Rachael M. said...

Thanks, Heather, but you should have kept her ridiculous comment up. Since she doesn't know me as you do, she has no idea how absolutely tongue-in-cheek my comments are (although she has obviously been to my blog to see that I have a daughter, since this original post was written well before I even was pregnant).

But, Miss Mary Peck, I am sorry you are offended by the word "retarded," since after reading YOUR blog it seems that you were possibly called that often as a child, or at least had it suggested to you that you had mental challenges in addition to your physical ones. I can see why you would take something like that personally, though I can't help but wonder why you waste your energy taking personally an entry from a blog response written 18 months ago by a complete stranger when you have so many other things going on in your life that would certainly be more demanding of your attention.

Also, I noticed from your blog that you feel like you are always stabbed in the back by those to whom you try to be nice. Well, Miss Mary Peck, I can't be sure, but the last time I checked, attacking a complete stranger on the internet and wishing hardships on them to "teach" them compassion is well outside of the definition of being nice, and if this is the type of "nice" you employ with people you know as well as with internet strangers, then we might have stumbled upon an answer to your questions.

But as for your lament over my daughter's sad parentage, I would just like to say this: I am a woman who stands up for myself when someone attacks me. I am a woman who isn't afraid to be candid with my friends, no matter the forum. I am woman who does not apologize for being who I am. And so you are quite wrong, because my daughter is lucky as Hell to have me for a mother. Thanks for reminding me.

H - feel free to delete this if you need to, since I am by no means wanting to use your blog to have any sort of flame war, or flame battle, as the case may be. But you know I had to respond. :-)