Say What!? +CONTEST!!!

I walked in the bathroom to check on my 3 year old this weekend and she looked up at me and said "The fucking bugs are back!"


"The what?"

"Um, the bugs... are back."

"The WHAT bugs are back?"


"We don't EVER say that word, little miss. Where in the world did you hear that word!?!?!"
(Please say daddy, please say daddy, please say daddy)

"The Little People"

"...The little people told you that word?"

Matter-of-factly: "Yes"

Which one of you did this? WHICH ONE!?!?! I demand someone tell me right now!!!

I lost it, totally laughed. I should've pulled out the bar of soap right then and laid down the law... but oh my god. The little people told her to say "fuck" !?!?! How do kids come up with this stuff? I mean, let's be honest here... she could've very well blamed me, but being the precious and intelligent child she is, she was gracious enough to not only lay the blame elsewhere, but to make me laugh at the same time! She's got me figured out already, I'm telling you.

This is my favorite shirt ever. It pretty much describes exactly how I feel about my hometown. Come on and try to tell me you don't love this shirt, or Fayetteville for that matter... even if you've never been here, it just screams me, right!?! Right.

Anyhow, I don't own it because I'm a respectable member of society and a mother and I can't very well go around wearing shirts that curse at people. Actually, none of that is true... I basically just haven't dropped $15 on it yet, and that's a damn shame.

But you know what- you won't have that problem.

Tell me your favorite "oops!" moment in the comments... either as a parent or a child.

I want to hear some juicy stories... Bad words, accidental walk-ins, the whole 9 yards. Did you (or your parents) lose it? Did you get your mouth washed out with soap or your hands smacked?

Tell me stories, best one wins free stuff from Rock City Outfitters, maker of this and many other lovely shirts.

...and GO!

*no guarantee of which shirt, just be a very happy little cupcake with whatever lovely gift you get, deal? though if you tell me in the comments which shirt is your favorite, i'll pass that along to the t-shirt fairies and we'll see if they can make it happen. fairies, like cursing toddlers, can be very gracious at times as well.

*comment link is up top. or click {here}


March 17, 2010 at 3:58 PM DRokRoss said...

This ones not mine, I have to give full credit to my sister, but Im sure you'll love it.

It was a family dinner, my sister was almost 1, and everyone was sitting around the dinner table talking and having a good time. We're talking our grandparents, aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles and some second cousins, BIG family dinner, and mind you most of these people had never heard her actually say any full words yet. My sister was eating some jello and grabbed big spoonful of it and as she was trying to bring it up to her mouth it slipped off the spoon and dropped right into her lap, she immediately said, "Oh shit." My grandmother immediately looks over at my mom and just yells, "Lori!" (my moms name.)

Nowadays the joke is that my sister's first words were the words that come out of my moms mouth most often, "Oh, Shit"

March 17, 2010 at 4:00 PM Terra said...

Oh, so many to choose from. My favorite, and the most humiliating, was when my 3 year old, Sam, recently had pneumonia. We had been through all kinds of bullshit with several doctors, bad chest x-rays, inconclusive blood tests, sent to the wrong hospital, sat around for hours waiting for the room. Meanwhile, he got sicker and sicker. It was very frustrating, very scary, very sad. After two more very frustrating days in the hospital, Sam was back to being himself. Sassy, hilarious, outspoken (this is the foreshadowing). Soon after, we took him to his pediatrician for an all-clear check up. His doctor was very nice, had been very concerned, proclaimed him all better. I said, "Thank you so much, Dr. Name Withheld to Protect the Innocent. And Sam pipes up, clear as a bell, "What?? Papa said your name was Dr. Dumb Butt!" There was a moment of silence while I looked at the doctor, she looked at me, we both looked at Sam, and the pediatric intern gaped at us all with an open mouth. I could feel my face turn bright red. I started stammering, "Uuhhh, no he didn't! Why would you say that?" And Sam, "YES HE DID! He said your name (pointing at the doc) was Dr. Dumb Butt!!" Well, shit. Thanks a LOT, honey! All we could do was laugh. Slightly hysterically. We've seen her since. And though I am sure she hasn't forgotten, I'm pretty certain she forgives us. Fingers crossed.

March 17, 2010 at 5:30 PM Melissa said...

The fucking bugs are back! That is hilarious. I don't know what IU would do if Hayden said something like that... he wouldn't have heard it from me (which is the truth... I do really well at not cussing in front of him).

But really... too funny!

March 17, 2010 at 7:23 PM Rebecca said...

OK, this is my SIL Lori's cousin who did this, and he was about three or four years old at the time. His mother walked past the bathroom and noticed him sitting there on the toilet, tugging at his penis. She said, "LUKE! What are you doing?" and he replied, "Dammit, Mom, it's Christmas!"

Needless to say this story gets trotted out every Christmas. Poor Luke.

March 18, 2010 at 10:38 AM "Jay Dee" said...

So my oldest daughter is 6 now. In six years she has quickly learned how to listen to us cuss like sailors yet never call us out or repeat us. She has overlooked our distasteful jokes and learned to quit asking what certain things mean. The one thing she hasn't learned is how to overlook the obvious and one particular moment occured when we were driving. Daddy was driving us into town one day, on a regular ole' 55 mph highway, when we got behind a car that was actually doing the speed limit. He decided that we had to pass her since 5 over is official his speed limit and when he went to overtake this other car my daughter simply asked from the backseat... "Are we on the overpass?" Now this might not seem that funny, but it happened when she was only 4 and I'm not sure where she even learned the word overpass. I just looked back at her and replied, "It sure seems like it huh!"

March 18, 2010 at 12:37 PM evaporated said...

When I was a step-mom (back in the day!), and my step-daughter Copper was about 3 years old, I started trying to teach her the alphabet and how to write her name. Nothing like giving her a jump start, right? After a few weeks, she was able to write her name, both her parents' names, and my name successfully. One afternoon, I got a nasty phone call from her mother wanting to know who was responsible for teaching Copper how to spell MY name. I told her that I taught her that, and asked why she was so upset about it. She answered that Copper had found a sharpie and had written "Andrea" all over her brand new dresser! Oops! :D

Another time, my ex-husband and I took Copper to a family reunion, and she asked us on the way there if there would be any "brown" people there. She was only about 4 years old at the time, so we politely tried to teach her that calling people of Hispanic origin "brown" wasn't a very nice thing to do. She had actually learned this from her baby-sitter, who was Hispanic. Anyway, we explained to her that it wasn't a nice thing to say, and also that we weren't related to any Hispanic people, so she wouldn't see anyone at the reunion of that descent. Well, wouldn't it just so happen that some random cousin on my ex-husband's mother's side of the family was dating a Mexican-American and he came with her to the reunion. Copper stood up on the bench (we were eating in a church reception hall on picnic tables), put her hands on her hips and yelled to me across the room in a matter-of-fact tone as she pointed to the young man who had just arrived with the cousin, "SEE ANDREA! I TOLD YOU THERE WERE BROWN PEOPLE IN MY FAMILY!" Everyone stopped talking and stared at her and then to where she was pointing. It was awful. If the ground could have opened up and swallowed me, I would have been thrilled.

One of my guy friends has a little girl (we'll call her Jane), and when she was small, maybe 3 or 4, he and his wife were getting "busy" in the bedroom in the afternoon, so they had set Jane down in front of a video in the living room. My friend had to take advantage of the afternoon nookie because he reported to me that at the time, his wife was in a lull of desiring the secks, so when the mood struck, he had to be on board if he was to get any at all. :) Anyway, the video they had Jane watching was some cartoon that taught all about farming and there was a part in there about crows and corn. So, there they were, my friend and his wife, in the throws of short-lived ecstacy, when they hear Jane running down the hall toward their bedroom, where they have locked themselves in for about 10 minutes at that point. She starts rummaging around on the door handle and they can hear her grunting and she's yelling through the door, "Mom! I want some corn!! Mom! Corn!!" and then she gets all frustrated and says, "Why's this door locked? Are you eating corn in there?"

Hopefully I did that last story justice, because when my friend told me about it, I laughed so hard. He said they were laughing too.

March 21, 2010 at 6:03 PM April Brown said...

My daughter has this stuffed Dalmation toy that she's had since she was 2 or 3 years old.
One day my cat decided to pee on said dog. This was probably from pent up frustration at never being able to scratch Maya despite all the torture she inflicted.
My mom put the toy on top of the washer so she would remember to put it in with the next load.
Maya didn't know what had happened and came in and grabbed it. My mom said "Don't take that, it's pissy!"
For weeks Maya kept calling that dog "Pissy Dog." We finally got her to start calling it "Stinky Dog" with quite a bit of coaxing.
Then one day, out of nowhere, I said something about "Stinky Dog" and she said, very primly, "It's not Stinky Dog, it's Sassy."
So Sassy that dog remains, 10 years later.

March 22, 2010 at 7:12 AM Reasonable said...

I was four and living in Springdale. We had just installed a skylight in the living room and I loved getting up early early Saturday morning to watch cartoons.

One morning the sun had finally come up and I was playing helicopter. For me, helicopter meant pulling out my penis and pretending it was a joystick while I made helicopter noises and piloted our bird through the heavy fire and directly into the Shit.

Vrooooooooom... ratatat-tat-tat. Thoop thoop thoop thoop thoop.

And in walks my mother and one her best friends from our Mormon church.

Aghast, my mother shouted "What are you doing?!" "I'm playing helicopter, mom."

And I went right back to it.

At least I was only four...

March 22, 2010 at 9:04 AM Callie said...

My cousin, a Rhodes scholar, adopted a little boy from Korea. Will is almost four now. Last week, while playing in the sandbox with his gram, Will stated "I peed in this sandbox". His gram replied "What?! Why would you do that"? Without hesitation or apology he said "Wet sand is more efficient for construction."

March 22, 2010 at 9:20 AM MMJ said...

Standing in the Walmart check-out line, with no warning whatsoever, one of my twin toddler sons pulled my tank top down, exposing BOTH breasts, grabbed one and began to suck vigorously. There I am, topless in Walmart, in front of God and everyone, ON CAMERA, trying to pry my kid off my tit and cover myself! Unfortunately he wasn't happy with this arrangement and started VERY LOUDLY crying, "BOOBIES........MAMA BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!" The checkout lady was literally shaking, holding back her laughter with tears in her eyes.

I went to the Walmart on the other side of town for several months after that. Even these days, I still feel like people are staring at me like 'Oh look, it's the boobie lady!'

March 22, 2010 at 1:47 PM Charlotte said...

My step brother is in the Navy and he swears like a sailor! The entire family was seated around the table for Thanksgiving and my brother was nattering away about something or other, ending with "and that shit don't fly!" Being the sassy-pants 20 year old that I was I immediately piped up "CHRIS, don't talk that way in front of mom!" He made a snide comment back that I couldn't quite hear and I responded with "WHAT? I can't hear you, my ears are all fucked up!"



Best Thanksgiving ever. :D

March 22, 2010 at 1:50 PM Rynne said...

Once I had a "daycare". Meaning, I had a 3 year old son and druing the day I kept all our family members/friends children too. This was in a small town and everyone knows everyone. Well, we are in tha Wal Mart and one of the children's grandmother comes over to me to tell me what a great time her grandchild is having at my house and how happy she is that I am keeping said child. Then she goes on to ask how my son is, I say he is wonderful and loves all the kids that come to play everyday. She said she was glad her grandchild was staying in a good Christian home and learning how to be polite. At this moment, my son, turns the corner and sees me, he then says "Mom, I just saw the mailman and I gave him this." I and the nice grandmother look over and my son has the bird flipped with both hands, at 3. Both hands.

March 24, 2010 at 9:04 AM Laurie Marshall said...

I don't know how I can compete with the three year old with double-birdies... but here goes.

When my youngest daughter was about three we left her and her sister with my grandmother for the evening. Let me insert here that my ex-husband ignored my constant harping on him about the kinds of television programs and movies he watched when the kids were still up and running around... Soooo, when we came home that evening my grandmother met me at the door with "Kelsey called her sister a mother-fucker tonight." Funny thing, the big sister constantly nags on the youngest, and she probably deserved it... but in front of GRANDMA!??? Sheesh.

March 26, 2010 at 4:05 PM Sofiablogs said...

When my daughter was a toddler, she enjoyed making up words and repeating them. Sometimes she came up with sound combinations that approximated real words. One time she happened upon the word "cock." Her father and I laughed out loud the first time she said it. She loved our response. One day she and I were at our local bookstore and she picked up a book with pictures of animals. She started turning the pages and saying, "horse...COCK!! rabbit...COCK!" and so on for every animal in the book. I was both horrified and terribly amused.