This week brought our most important milestone yet... the dreaded, yet ever-important, first haircut...




I don't have to tell you how out of control the hair had gotten, do I?


We awoke on Christmas morning to some insane baby-hair and found that nothing would fix it... no comb, water, or hat could make it any less wild, so after much consideration we decided it was time. The way I see it, the kid's got more hair than some 3 year olds, so I didn't feel terrible about cutting it before her first birthday (a no-no, I've learned) yet I worried... I mean, she's always getting compliments... her eyelashes, her overwhelming adorable-ness, but everyone loves her long hair... if I took that away would I be dooming her to mediocre-looking babydom? That would be awful. If you don't know how serious I am you evidently haven't seen how people ignore those so-so babies. Its a tragedy, really. (No offense to those of you without insanely adorable kids, of course.)

Anyhow, we cut it. Luckily, I didn't have to bribe her with salami and ice cream like Katie did with Olive, but you better believe I had some crackers on hand just in case it got ugly. I handed her a night light and a bar of soap, and asked my mom to keep them out of her mouth while I snipped! It worked well, and by the time she realized what I was doing, it was over. We were very surprised at how thick her hair looks now! Its a lot easier to keep clean too, which is a definite plus for someone who finds great joy in smooshing apricots into her ears!

Man, tonight SUUUUUUCKED. Bad.

Suckage: Went to Toys'R'Us (how many apostrophes are in that? who really facking cares?) which, by the way, if you didn't know, is the equivalent of about the 9th layer of hell the week before Christmas. Went with three main purposes: a) stroller, since ours has died. b) sippy cup, since that too, died. c) Christmas present for Marti Pearl, since we're slackers.

So...
a) No sippy cups in sight. Actually, lots of sippy cups, just not the ones I was looking for... which was why we made the special trip to TRU (apostrophe issue solved!) in the first place. *sigh*
b) Couldn't get to the presents I wanted for Bean because of 15,000 crazy people.
c) Found the stroller we wanted, for $30, put Bean in it to see if she liked it (she HATES all strollers and was already fussy) and alas! she loved it! (what what!?) so we immediately looked around and unfortunately didn't see any. We also didn't find any of the little "take this tag to the register if you want to buy this" tags, so I just took the price clip thing off and sent husband-pants to ask if we could buy the display. We found a stroller that Bean likes... I don't have any time to mess around!

Well husband-pants comes back and tells me that they do have the strollers in stock, but that they didn't get their truck unloaded properly that morning so they couldn't get to them. *sigh* but that they'd hold one for us if we'd come back tomorrow. This wouldn't be so bad, except man! We live 45 minutes away! And we'd already braved that hell for one night, why another!? *sigh* Oh, and he forgot to ask if they would sell us the display. *sigh again*

Anyhow, we'll have to go back, I suppose. I looked through the strollers at Target and couldn't find another I liked as much as that one, so I'll make ANOTHER special trip tomorrow. I'm not thrilled about this.

I ran across an online community the other day that was dedicated to pictures of moms nursing in public. I immediately thought "do I have any pictures?" and I don't. I've been nursing in public for over 9 months now, and not 1 picture to show for it. I'm not the least bit ashamed, or even embarrassed about it... I guess I just never thought it was picture worthy... Which brings me to my point... so much fuss about nursing in public- people complaining, nurse-ins, public outcry... it all seems so silly to get in such a tizzy about! Its just food. I showed more cleavage on a Friday night back in college!

As we were shopping this weekend in Oklahoma, which in my opinion, is probably one of the most conservative states in the US, Bean got hungry. We found a nice comfy chair, and I nursed her. No big deal. I'll admit, I was a tiny bit apprehensive at first, since I was nursing in a crowded store without a blanket in sight... but I didn't even get a dirty look! Maybe that makes me a lucky one, but man... breastfeeding in public has been a non-issue so far. I don't think most people even realize what's going on, and once they do, they normally just look away.

So what do you think? Breastfeeding in public: scandal or whatev?


Oh, and the closest to a nursing-in-public picture I could find... Bean, totally asleep after a very big lunch in Tahlequah, Oklahoma the weekend of Cherokee National Holiday... Yeah, nobody cared then either.

This year bean girl is getting the present every kid wants...


Her two front teeth!!




She's thrilled. Really. She's got a whole 3 teeth as of today with the 4th breaking the surface as I type... my poor nipples aren't very happy.


Disclaimer: I promise I didn't make my baby cry so I could take a picture of her, I was clicking away as she was very pleasantly playing with her new bowl and plate when bam! tears and screams! Such is the way of teeth, I suppose...

Yep, I'm one of those moms. My baby cries, in her own crib, in her very own bedroom, just about every night now... even some days. No, that doesn't make me a terrible parent, and I promise she's still a cool kid full of happiness and rainbows. So much so, we've decided, she's just not interested in sleep. You see, when you're so absolutely fascinated with everything around you, sleep just doesn't sound like much fun.

There have been a few sleepless nights where in sore-boobed desperation I've asked her why she won't just go to sleep. That's when she looks at me with those big baby eyes saying "I can crawl, eat big people food, and I have teeth! Would you want to sleep through any of that?" and I understand it, I really do... I remember college... well, some of it. So I had to make a choice.... do I let her decide when she goes to bed, even if that means we're all up until 3 a.m. or do I start getting her used to going to bed on her own... putting herself to sleep...

It seemed so wrong- I work all day to try to keep her happy, why would I want to put her in bed with the purpose of letting her cry? She's always been one of those happy breastfed babies that has always gone straight to sleep as soon as you stick a boob in her mouth. When her pediatrician (baby-god) mentioned that she needed to start "soothing herself to sleep" even if it meant she cried for a while, our only question was "but how do we keep her awake long enough!?"
Now we know.
Lately she's either resisted the whole time by kicking or flailing, or she'll wake herself up the second her little tushy hits the crib mattress. I'm sure there's got to be something in the world that's more frustrating than that, but I sure can't think of anything.

So we started putting her down, letting her cry, and eventually she goes to sleep. I go in, make sure she's comfy and dry, cover her up, and she eventually falls asleep and sleeps all night. In the morning, she's my happy little bean again. Last night brought back memories of the Mad About You episode where Paul and Jamie sat outside the baby's room for hours listening to her cry... and by the end, the baby's asleep and they decide they've broken her heart. I watched that episode the weekend before I went into labor and swore up and down I'd never let my child cry herself to sleep... but I do, and I don't feel like her little heart is breaking... mine does, but hers seems just fine.

As husband-pants and I were sitting in the bathtub (our big people retreat, after baby goes to bed) talking about matters unrelated to bean, I started thinking about how badly I've neglected my good friends... two, in particular, and how much I needed some time to myself. I've been justifying not taking a break for months now by saying that since I breastfeed bean and she refuses to take a bottle that it'd be hard for me to leave her with husband-pants at night. Now, though, I'm not solely responsible for getting her to sleep. I make sure she's fed, but the rest can be easily done by anyone else... that is awesome.

I never thought that I'd be able to share the responsibility of bedtime with anyone else in the way that I'm able to now, at least until after bean was weaned... I'm thrilled with it, really. Bedtime used to be my time... After I fed her I'd watch her sleep for a while before I laid her down. I had a certain way I covered her up every night, a routine... and that's different now, but I'm ok with it. Husband-pants feels more involved, bean gets better sleep, and I get a little time to myself. This weekend I plan to go out with my friends and recharge... every mom needs a break, and I'm well overdue. I'm excited about getting out and having no worries about bean girl for a little while, because I know she's fed, and husband-pants can handle the rest, and there's something so absolutely liberating about that.

In my other blog I asked my readers to give me their opinions on important parenting matters. It started as curiosity on my part and ended up with an overwhelming response from some very opinionated women, all sharing their parenting philosophies. This sounds like quite a recipe for disaster, I know, but really, everyone played nicely despite differing opinions.

Here are some excerpts...

Breastfeeding
Free baby nutrition? I'm all for it. At the mall, at church, at the Wal-Mart... when ever baby is hungry. Whip it out.
K, no kids yet (hopefully soon!) - Poway, CA

i really think that all mom's should give their best, most honest effort to nurse their babies. i don't think a mom should ever have to cover up and i think they should be allowed to nurse anywhere, anytime without being hassled. i honestly don't care if someone is uncomfortable with it in public. if you are out in public, you get to deal with the public. i'm uncomfortable with people cursing loudly around my kids, but sometimes you just have to deal with it.
K, mom of 2, with another on the way - Fort Bragg, NC

i had one child that did it for over a year, one that wouldnt have anything to do with it after 6 months, and another who was way too tiny, that i had to pump and give it to him that way. all babies are different, but i truly believe that all mothers should atleast attempt to breastfeed...and if the baby won't, then pumping is the next best thing. breast is best...so why wouldn't a mom give her baby the absolute best?
A, mom of 3, Louisville, KY

Great for those who can do it. I wish everyone could. I think the goal should be to make sure that women who choose to do it get all the support they need learning, and that women who choose not to are not made to feel guilty. I started out breastfeeding, but because of a condition my child had, it turned out anything with lactose was basically poison. Not just lactose intolerance, but very very bad. But you can't walk around wearing a t shirt that says "My child has galactosemia." I didn't get any crap from anyone for not breastfeeding, but I know a lot of people do. At least she got the first two weeks, and got all those lovely antibodies.
A, mom of 1 - Lanesboro, MN

I didn't do it because I had infected milk ducts and couldn't, but if you can and you want to then go ahead with your bad self. I do hate all the breastfeeding nazis out there who try to shame women who choose not to or just plain can't. Sometimes you just can't, and I don't think giving people shit about it or saying "oh you didn't try hard enough" ultimately helps anyone.
E, mom of 1 - Fort Smith, AR

Co-Sleeping
This just sounds like a bad idea to me. I can't stand that our pets sleep with us, so I can't imagine I'd feel good about my baby sleeping with us. I don't mind having a bassinet in the room up to 4 or 5 months old, but not in a bed with me. No thanks.
R, no kids (yet!) - South Carolina

co-sleeping meaning sleeping within close proximity but may or may not be on the same surface- not a problem with that. it's great for when they are really little and still waking up at night. if you mean bed-sharing, then i think where ever EVERYONE in the family gets the best rest then that's where they should sleep. if having a family bed works for a family, that's great, but if it doesn't work for everyone then i don't think it should be pursued. i will never be one of those moms who kicks my husband out of our bed cause he isn't on-board with having a family bed. i'd just move the baby to a bassinet or crib next to our bed (which is what we did with the boys.)
K, mom of 2, with another on the way - Fort Bragg, NC

I FULLY support co sleeping. I mean, think about it......you and your baby are LITERALLY attached for 9 months and all of the sudden, one day, you rip her from the only world she's known and force her to be isolated and feel alone in a world where she can't communicate? No no no. If people don't want to do it, that's ok, I think it's kind of wrong though. If you don't want your baby in your bed, I think a co-sleeper is a good alternative. I am TOTALLY against putting newborns in their own rooms.
C, mom of 2 with another on the way - California

Spanking/Discipline
As with all other areas of parenting, pragmatism is king in this issue. I think it's a bit foolhardy to say that spanking is never OK, because you may encounter a situation where spanking is appropriate. My general notion is that spanking is best as a last resort, and only a swat or two to get the point across, not to cause anything beyond momentary physical discomfort. I've met some lame people who were never spanked as children and I've met some excellent people who got the tar beat out of them on a regular basis. This just means that every child is different, every possible disciplinary situation is different, and the thing to do is use your best judgment and aim for keeping your temper in check.
A, mom of 1 - Arizona (I don't know your real name either! ugh! Sorry!)

I've read various schools of thought on this. The one that sticks with me and makes the most sense (to me as a hoping-to-be-a-mom-someday) is: Only use spanking/corporal punishment when the child has done something to endanger themselves or others rather than for just disobeying.
K, no kids yet (hopefully soon!) - Poway, CA

spanking is a no no in our house, as it was in my house growing up. we dicipline with time outs and we have grounded our older ones before (it takes ALOT for us to do that). we can usually talk out our problems.
A, mom of 3 - Louisville, KY

...hasn't really been an issue yet; S is pretty good. I think it will be soon as she is getting more defiant every day. My parents spanked us if we really deserved it for doing something dangerous, ferinstance, if we ran out into traffic without waiting for them. If you don't spank often, when you HAVE to it makes more of an impression.
R, mom of 1 - Faulkner County, AR

I do not believe spanking is an effective method of dicipline. I was hit as a child and it did nothing but frighten me and I don't think a child benefits from being frightened. I give my son a warning and explain to him why he cannot do whatever he may be doing wrong and tell him if he does it again he will get a time out. This usually works but sometimes he needs the time out. He goes right to time out without fussing everytime and when he has sat for 2 mins I come and explain what he has done wrong and why he can't do that and he will repeat me, apologise, give me a hug and kiss and it's done. I believe it's more beneficial for him to understand why not to do something then just be too afraid to do it so he won't be hit.
F, mom of 2 - Peterborough, Canada

I am on the fence about this one. I think that the bottom line is that we shouldn't discipline our children out of anger. And I think the punishment should fit the crime, so to speak.
C, mom of 2 with another on the way - California

To read the full discussion, click here.

What do you think?

That's right, I'm down to 151. 16 lbs away from my goal!

Man, I know a kid's gotta chew but good lord!? Why is it that she's never been interested in gnawing on my nipple until she's got 2 sharp pointy little teeth!?!?!?!

Sweet Jesus I'm dying over here!


Oh, and she's just too cute when she does it too. She's like "nom nom nom" and I'm screaming and jumping off the couch and she just looks at me and laughs.

HA HA real funny, diaper monster. reeeeaaaaal funny.

I had gotten down to 154lbs, 155 consistently. I signed up to take part in a local online Biggest Loser challenge in a local playgroup, and I was really psyched about possibly winning, or at least losing a ton of weight in time for Christmas. After all, I really don't have much further to go!

Well this weekend, Husband-pants and I got to go out on our own, as husband and wife, not as parents. We dropped the kidlet off with my mom and headed to Chili's where I treated myself to 2 Coca-Colas (an absolute no-no normally) a half serving of Cajun Chicken Pasta (a whopping 1500 calories and 78 grams of fat) and too many chips & salsa. *sigh* I justified all of this because I have been the picture of willpower for weeks, eating well and refraining from anything high in calories or generally unhealthy. Everyone deserves a splurge every once in a while- right?

Well then today we were out and about, we went hiking around a local tourist attraction. It was nice and we worked up an appetite... we were trying to figure out where to eat as the baby fell asleep. We debated on going to the grocery store and heading home to eat lunch and spend the day lazing around the house, but husband-pants decided against it. He's gotten better at surprises lately and drove us to Tontitown for pasta at our favorite Italian restaurant. Normally I would've protested, but he took a back way (very sneaky) and before I knew where he was taking us, we were nearly there. I got a half serving of spaghetti with meat sauce (and I'm glad I don't know what the calorie/fat content is... sheesh) and ate 1 roll. 2 glasses of water. It was a great lunch and I overate a bit, but I wasn't beating myself up.

On the way home, however, I did beat myself up. I beat myself up in the most ridiculous of ways... and I'm so angry at myself for doing it! Andy's frozen custard is my favorite indulgence in the world... I mean, really. I gained over half of my pregnancy weight because of my late-night Andy's runs. It is HEAVEN. After I abstained from custard earlier this week citing a migraine, Marshall decided I deserved some. I ate a big delicious pumpkin pie frozen custard. Oh yes, I didn't just eat the custard, it had an ENTIRE PIECE of pumpkin pie blended in with it. Jesus.

I just weighed myself and my grand total of weight gained over the weekend is 6 lbs.
I could cry.

Husband-pants totally enables me to eat so bad... I do SO well when I'm by myself during the week but when I'm with him all bets are off. I've got to get better about eating well, and convincing him to do the same.

October brought more weight loss, regardless of my bad behavior, and I weighed in back at 154. I'm officially down to a size 12 and I've lost a total of 4 lbs.

Oh, and Bean made a great skunk for Halloween.

Ok, I've already said I'm way spoiled.
Bean is an awesome baby who lets me sleep tons, plays by herself during the day so I can work, hardly ever cries (hungry/sleepy/scared of strange people wanting to hold her) and eats really well. I'm a spoiled mom and I'll never have another for fear that I'd have a baby who would require more sleepless nights and even more attention. Yeah, its kindof selfish, but I'm allowed, I've been through the newborn phase.

So lately Bean and I have had some very trying times. She hasn't wanted to sleep, she's wanted to eat more than normal, and NO ONE touches the baby but mom. I figured all of this was due to allergies and reaching new milestones. I wasn't as concerned as I was totally frazzled. I was lacking sleep and patience, and I desperately needed a teeny tiny baby-break. One that still seems very out of reach...

Yesterday was bad. Bean didn't want to play by herself at all... she didn't want to sleep, she just wanted to eat, or hang out on my lap. I didn't mind that so much (though it did make it hard to get any work done) but I was INCREDIBLY frustrated that every time I laid her down in her crib she sprung back up, not necessarily upset, but definitely not sleepy. She'd play for a few moments, then back to the boob. We did this probably ten times yesterday and by the eleventh, I was practically in tears.

She was fussy and I couldn't get her to stay asleep... she was mighty cuddly, and she wouldn't let me put her down. I think it was the sight of her crying with one finger hooked in her lip that made me think "teeth?" which, believe me... I've thought many times before (so many, in fact that Husband-pants started adding it to his list of things that could potentially be making her cry: diaper? food? teeth? deep baby thoughts about the state of the nation's economy?) but no teeth were ever there, so we finally stopped assuming that was what was up. I stuck my finger in her little baby mouth and lo and behold! there were teeth! One and a half of them! Right there on the bottom. Joy! Now of course, this called for some serious snuggling and phone calls to the grandparents. Fussy babies are one thing, teeth are another!

I still can't shake that yucky feeling that I'm a terrible mommy for being so frustrated that she was fussy but I'm told it happens to all of us. Its further solidified the feeling that a mini-mommy vacation is necesary, and should happen as soon as possible. Not because I don't love my child (and her teeth) but because sometimes even moms, in all of their infinite wisdom and love can totally overlook all of the signs and say "what in the world is wrong with you, drooly crying thing!?" especially when exhaustion, stress, and teeth come into play.

Now that Bean has discovered how much fun it is to pull herself up on everything (furniture, boxes, pets, dads laying on the floor, etc...) she has decided sleep, albiet necessary and rather wonderful, is for chumps. In fact, she's refusing to do it. Ever.

Man, these milestones are killing me. I'm going to need some eye cream and amphetamines if I'm going to make it through teething/walking/talking. Sheesh.

I know its all my fault too, for being one of those smug moms who gets tons of sleep and thinks she knows the secret. There is no secret. There is only karma. I have definitely learned my lesson.

*Yawn*

she's a babbler. i love it!

Crawling is going very well, the cat is officially doomed.

Something happened a while back and I got too busy to post about it, but since its still haunting me I'll put it out there.
I went in my bathroom, which is where we've had our worst spider problem, and I put Bean in her jumper-thing. I looked down and right below my sink (2 ft away from Bean) was a HUGE spider.

Huge.

So I pull her back out of her jumper and we retreat to the living room. I laid her down and ran to the kitchen for bug spray. I grabbed the first can I found and it, she, was in the same spot so I went to spraying... when three things happened:

1. I realized I had not grabbed bug spray after all, that I was actually furniture polishing the little thing to death...
2. the spider was running very quickly towards me,
3. it, she, had something... on her back... that was falling off... like dirt? fur? tiny baby spiders? TINY BABY SPIDERS!!! HUNDREDS OF THEM!

I grabbed the first shoe I could find and I smashed til I couldn't smash any more... and then, I returned to the kitchen, grabbed the bug spray, and proceeded to kill off as many of the tiny baby spiders as I could... though, they're fast, and tiny. At that point I grabbed Bean, and we sat outside and waited for Husband-Pants to return home and clean up my spidery massacre. It was really quite horrible. In fact, I'm still having nightmares and killing tiny baby spiders around my bathtub.

The jury's still out on whether or not it was a harmless house spider or something more sinister and creepy. Lovely.

At 6 and a half months, Bean is fully mobile. Watch out, world!

Husband-Pants and I went to meet with his dietitian in Little Rock a couple of weeks ago. We weren't nearly as off track as we thought we were, and she was actually very impressed with his progress. He's been weighing in at 320 at home and when he hopped up on her scales he was pleasantly surprised to find that he was 20 lbs lighter! You better believe I nearly threw him off the scale in my scramble to see if the same was true for myself, but alas, it was not. Our scales here at the house must be off. Yay! Husband-Pants hasn't weighed 300 lbs since Jr High school. He can now comfortably wear an XL shirt (well, a big XL, not all of them) and he's starting to lose around the waist again. Yay! I am, as of this morning, down to 161. Quite an accomplishment considering the copious amount of brownies and cookies I indulged in this week (indulged = pigged out). I am officially in a size 13 jean again for the first time in 3 years (holy crap!) and I'm feeling good. We've both got 25 more lbs to lose to be at our weight goals. Its been a crazy long road. :)

Bean is in to everything. She's almost mastered the art of crawling, right now its more of a rocking/pulling with her hands/dragging her feet thing, which is cute in a baby duckling sort of way, with its awkwardness increased exponentially by how many blankets/toys are in the way of where she is and where she wants to be. Its adorable, really. That means we've spent nearly a month babyproofing our home. Currently, the only non-babyfriendly items consist of our wine rack, and bedroom. We thought it'd be a great idea to buy a bed similar to this last fall. The only problem is, its got sharp corners everywhere. I've got bruises on my shins from clumsily searching for the bathroom at night and last week Bean bumped her noggin straight on the corner. It was terrible. We're officially on the hunt for a baby-friendly bed, I'm slowly giving in.

Really though, Bean's a handful. A grimy-handed, drooly-faced, long-haired diaper tyrant that cares only for boobs, mirrors, and pets... Not really. She's a lovable, adorable little monkey that wants to play all the time and love on everyone. She's really enjoying playing by herself now, which is lovely. She weighs 17lbs 3oz and she's 26inches. That makes her 75% in weight, which is fantastic. She's eating solids like a champ, and blabbering up a storm. She's absolutely amazing and I can't keep up with her a bit.

That is the question.

Husband-pants and I are trying to decide if we want to have another bean. If you'll recall, when I was pregnant, I wanted a whole herd of them- lots of little Gerlaughs running about! The more the merrier! Birth control is for suckas! Women were born to have babies! This gives my life purpose and meaning and that's all I could ever ask for!

That was then.

Now don't get me wrong, I had a WONDERFUL pregnancy, and was terribly thrilled about all of it, down to the peeing on myself with every step I took days. My 18 hours of labor even weren't all that terrible... in fact, dare I say I actually enjoyed labor, and were it not for the mountains of medical bills that rolled in afterwards, I'd do it any day. It was empowering, rewarding... and magical, all at once. I am also blessed with a well-behaved, wonderfully bright, responsive, fun kid... who I enjoy spending all of my time with. Really, it would make sense that I'd want to do it all over again, but I'm just not so sure.

First off, I would love for Bean to be an only child, to grow up with all of our time, attention, and focus. I can see so many benefits to it... and I've heard so many times that when you have another, you just develop more attention, more focus, more love, than you ever expected to have, and that neither kid feels left out, but I'm just not so sure. Maybe it was because my sister was so much younger than me, or maybe its because my parents divorced the year she was born, leaving my mom to raise us both and single-handedly support our family, but that kid took up a lot of everyone's focus, and there were times I felt mighty left out. I'm sure that during my rebellious teenage years when I was working every nerve my mother had, that she felt the same way. I wonder at times if that lack of attention caused my "look at me, i'm doing something i'm not supposed to!" attitude in my late teen years, and my sister's "i refuse to do anything to fit in with anyone because i need attention! gimme gimme gimme!" attitude right now. I don't want to deal with all of that, for Bean's sake or mine!

Plus, I'm just now getting the hang of this small business thing. I'm finally getting to the point where I can make a decent living by working at home, which is so wonderful! It was so hard when Bean was little because I didn't have the time, and even now my design time is precious, I have to do as much as I can between breastfeeding, diaper changes, picking her up so she doesn't roll under the TV cabinet, walking about, playing, and learning with her... Why would I want to add another baby to the mix!? This one's just getting the hang of being a real person!

Why, indeed... all of my reasoning so far has gone into why I don't want another one, why I think it'd be better to stop right here... but there's still another side to all of this. Husband-pants wants another one... right now. He wants a little boy, which I completely understand is every father's dream, he wants football practice and someone to watch wrestling with, blue baby booties and pee pee tee pees... but what if we do get pregnant again and its another little girl? Does that mean we're trying for a third? Maybe it makes me an awful wife and abnormal woman but that just makes me cringe! Kids are so much work! I'm way happy with just one, thanks! Now that's definitely not to say that I wouldn't be thrilled if we got pregnant again... I'm a firm believer that if its supposed to happen it will... but planning for another? I just don't think its for me.

That's why this week I'm determined to figure out what to do about birth control... "Oops" just isn't an option until we're totally sure what we want to do. It is, in fact, how we got to this point in the first place, remember? Now that's not to say "Oops" can't be a happy word, its just a much better idea, in my opinion, to have a plan for such things. Its what responsible adults do, right?

My mom tells me I'll get the urge to do it all over again... that it took her 7 years but she finally did. That at some point I'll see someone's adorable little baby and my uterus will scream and bam! its procreation time!! And I don't disagree! Part of me would love to be pregnant again... to labor for hours upon hours and have another warm little baby-scented ball of love... it would be amazing... all of it... but after that part is over, there's another little person who'll be demanding my time and attention all over again. While I'd be just as glad to give it as freely as I have for Bean, I'd much rather give it all to Bean, and to my marriage, and to our family... because really, its pretty fantastic just the three of us.


Now that's not to say I'm not a little bummed about never having a real occasion to use a pee pee tee pee, but for now I'll settle for giving them away to all of my friends who are currently fulfilling their destinies by bringing beautiful children into the world, hopefully some of which are boys that actually have a need for such contraptions.

There's been a lot of changes in the past couple of years... looking through all of my old pictures today I realized just how much I'd gained/lost and how much my body has been through...


February 2004, around 165


June 2004, around 140 (?)


Christmas 2004, around 170


Summer 2005, around 190


November 2005, around 220 (?)


Spring 2006, around 200


Spring 2006, around 230


Summer 2006, around 190


March 2007, around 215


March 2007, around 200


April 2007, around 190


May 2007, around 185


June 2007, around 180


August 2007, around 170

I'm super inspired to keep working. I have about 20-30 more pounds that I'd like to lose before next spring.